Remembering.

Back in 2004-05 I was moonlighting as a radio DJ for the Blue Network.I worked the grave yard shift on weekends. I miss those times. I miss being in the studio all alone, with the monitors and control panels in front of me and knowing that I was being heard throughout the country. I miss sharing my music with the listeners and sometimes just taking in their calls and listening to what they had to say.

Looking back, I can say that my audition was a complete disaster. I completely froze in the middle of my mock dj'ing session, not knowing what to say.I'm still not sure how I ever managed to get the job but I did and the affair lasted for a year, they didn't renew my contract the reason being that my voice was to mushy mushy for radio. Why did they take me on board in the first place then? But I guess it all worked out in the end, I couldn't have gone on moonlighting with my hellish work schedule. And you know how sometimes when people say that when one door closes another will open? I found that the door led me to my present NGO work, to which I have learned alot from. I've travelled to many different countries, worked with many different people from different cultures and they have in a way inspired me.They are passionate in what they do and they are really enthusiastic in wanting to make a difference in the world.

But back to the Blue Network story. That one year stint with the Blue Network was a surreal experience. I learned so much. It was then that I began to listen to Anita Baker, Indie Arie and Adina Howard just to name a few.

I had a crush on one of the first guy that I double banked with (that means where you had to sit in with a senior dj during his show and learn the ropes) I can still remember his perfume. He was wearing Clinique Happy for men. So from that day onwards, I notice that he would stay and keep me company whenever I had to double bank. Once he even stayed till 3am until I was done with my shift. And I would rush over to the office right after I was done with my day job just to get a glimpse of him. You know how it some romance novels they say that all of a sudden, you notice that how green the grass looked, how beutiful the flowers were and how the sky looked so clear? It was the same with me except that I didn't notice how bad the traffic was any longer in KL. Everything was just beautiful. It was some sort of a hide-and-seek game between us. I got tongue tied whenever I was near him. My heart felt like it could actually burst out at any moment. But it didn't get anywhere. Kind of difficult to be in a relationship when working together. The other guys especially the afternoon boys started to notice something and would tease us mercilessly. But the state of being on a natural high was exciting while it lasted.

He is still there, doing what he does best and occasionally I would tune in and listen to him. I would smile hearing the voice that a few years back, made my heart beat a little bit faster.

I would play this song when I was on air, thinking of him and I noticed that he would too ;) It could mean something else for him or maybe he just felt like airing the song but I would like to think of it and remember it as his way of saying that he liked me too... a girl can dream ;)

It's that look in your eyes, that say you love me
And all the silly things that you do
Those feelings that I get when ever you're near me
Tells me you're for me And I'm the one for you

Of Wedded Bliss and Happily Ever After's

School Holiday is here.Hotel rates will be higher than the usual.Come to think of it, it's a bit unfair to those in the teaching profession. Teachers can't take leave whenever they feel like it and yet during that school holiday period, they need to pay more just because its a peak season.I think I want to propose for teachers to get a special rate or discounts during the school holidays.

I can already hear the distant beatings of the Kompangs and the smell of Nasi Minyak.Wedding planners all over must be frenzied running around and bumping into photographers, make-up artists and caterers.Street junctions would be crowded with wooden signs that might look something like this...

relatives from near and far would congregate and for those singletons, yours truly included, the predictable question of "when will it be your turn?" coming from aunts and elderly relatives. That default question would be so more pleasant to hear if it were accompanied by generous offers of funding the wedding. If that were the case, I would make a mad dash to find me a life partner. Seriously maksu, you will be the first person to know when the time comes. I will not deny you the right of official news bearer for our relatives in Singapore.

The next few lines is actually taken from my old blog.

I was at an old classmate's wedding today. The bride looked gorgeous smiling because today is her big day. The groom looked proud of having the bride walk by his side. Their expressions full of new promises and positive hopes for the future to come.

I'm getting to my point...patience dear friends, I'm trying to reflect here...

Here goes..as the year go by, life gradually changes but never forget to always remember to walk side by side as if it was your wedding day. Be proud of who and what your partner is. Truth is, your opinion is all that matters to her/him

No matter how hard life would get.. look for the positive things in life. Draw strength from each other and together... you could overcome anything.
Nobody was made perfect.. (ye ke?) but at that particular moment in time, nobody could have been close to perfection as your partner... relive that moment often.. learn to love our imperfections, learn to love each other in spite of the imperfections..

But then again, these are my reflections. I might change my mind once I'm married.

Selamat Pengantin Baru dear friends.

Cinta.

I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true.

Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had.

I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true.

For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost.But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then,there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert...

Iris
The Holiday

Tonight of All Nights.

These past few weeks, I've never actually bothered with my Facebook account. Not like I used to anyway.Back then, I could sit for hours at a time and just stare at the monitor till I'm blue in the face. Poking here and there, uploading a picture of the traffic to which I was stuck in, and leaving cyber prints all over my friend's profiles. Where did I manage to find all the time?

But I do need to check it everyday. A Uni friend who now is a permanent resident in Dubai is planning her wedding reception is Seri Melayu this coming June and I promised to keep her updated with things from this end. Now that I think about it, I don't know why we're exchanging emails via Facebook and not our personal email accounts, oh well... Whichever works.

But tonight, of all the nights, I can't log in due to site maintenance and tonight, of all nights, I feel this sudden desperate need to log in regardless. I've been punching in my username and password every 10 minutes. Seriously, I know that there would not be anything remotely interesting as the books waiting on my nightstand other than maybe a friend poking me or that friend has just taken a quiz and found out that he's only been using 25% of his brain. Tonight, of all nights, I just have to log in. This need is becoming so desperate.

Maybe, it's the universe telling me in a way that this is who I am. Somebody who doesn't want something which is already there and becomes desperate when it isn't and I better do something to change that, because if I don't, I could be spending my whole life sitting in front of the PC and still trying to access my Facebook account. Definately not a story to which fairytales are made of.

Why am I even blogging about this I don't know. I would say that it has something to do with butterflies. I need to remind myself to write about butterflies next. They're so so beautiful.

By the by, I do hope that your Monday came without the blues.

Note to Self.

When are you ever going to continue with your studies?? Orang lain dah sampai bulan and you're still filling out forms and not sending them in. Get a move on! Make up your mind and hurry would ya???

I wish I'm Harry Potter, a wave of the wand and presto! Form filled, signed, sealed and delivered. Now...what's the name of that owl??

Stop and Smell the Flowers

Go and see a movie, have an early Sunday breakfast with friends, go window shopping, spring clean your room or your home, try out that new recipe, visit parents, sisters, brother or the whole clan... whatever you do...

Have a great and relaxing weekend!

Dunia Kita Berbeza

You see, although I was born and raised in KL, deep down, I'm very much what the KL'ites would call a "kampong girl"

I used to know Mr. A. I guess you could say that he is what most women would dream of. Good looks, plays golf, come from a prominent family, shops at Pavilion and KLCC, decked out to the nines in designer outfits and accessories. He's all about the money bay-beh.

I told him that we're worlds apart. He said he could handle it.

He enjoys the life of the high society, cocktails, gala's and making in on the society pages in the local newspaper.

He's all about the Gucci shoes, the RM500 Polo t-shirts, and the Prada underwear. That's an exaggeration on my part.

He's all about the Maserati's ( I don't even know whether that's a car or a motorbike) the Porsche's and the BMW's.

He's all about the lobsters, caviars and the hundred ringgit a plate teppanyaki.

He's all about the Pavorotti, and other opera singers whom I haven't heard of. No, not haven't heard of, I'm ignorant of would be more like it.

He collects watches worth thousands of ringgit a piece, I'm just thankful that the one on my wrist if functioning.

Me, I'm contented with eating at mamak restaurants & Uptown where the Kuey Teow there is only RM3.50 a plate. My idea of fine dining would be at restaurants where the waiters and servers come to you instead of standing in line and pointing to the menu mounted on the board in front of you. Hotels and other fine dining establishments terrify me because I just don't know which fork goes with what. They all look the same to me. Attentive waiters and hosts make me squirm. I feel like they're just waiting for the moment when I do a "Julia Roberts" with the flying escargot. I have this vision of them rolling their eyes or laughing their insides out while politely escorting me out for fear that I might harm other patrons with my flying stunt. Not good for their image they say.

Me, I'm all about the asam pedas, I make killer asam pedam by the way, masak lemak cili padi and the ulams that you can get dirt cheap in pasar Chow Kit. I did not mention sambal belachan as I have a terrible sinus problem.

Me, just hand me my Ipod with John Legend, Diana Krall, Sheila Majid and I'm one happy person.

Me, I'm just ecstatic that my locally manufactured car takes me from point A to point B and sometimes it'll go a bit further even to point Z without breaking down.

My idea of luxury is the premier toilets in KLCC to which you need to pay RM2 to get in. I could stay in there all day. With all the free toiletries and body spray courtesy from Body Shop. Interesting marketing strategy I must say. I do wonder whether their sales have increased ever since.

Once, not so long ago, I thought I wanted all that. But when I had a taste of it, I know it wasn't for me. Because you see, deep deep down, I'm just your average kampong girl. I'm happier this way. Life is much simpler. And until my paycheck would miraculously triple or quadruple its amount anytime soon, the life of the rich and famous will be a fairytale.

A kampong girl in the city of KL that I heart so much.

People in Glass Houses

There is a proverb that goes "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones"
The proverb has been traced back to Geoffrey Chaucer's 'Troilus and Criseyde' (1385).

It implies that you shouldn't be over critical of someone since you, yourself, could be open to the same sort of criticism.Those who are vulnerable should not attack others. And I, am definately vulnerable when it comes to criticism. I don't like throwing stones anyway. Bad memory involving stones when I was a kid. Kena piat dengan dengan my mom with I threw a stone at my kid sister just because I felt like throwing a stone at her. But I do like the idea of a glass house. Kinky thoughts are crossing my mind right now.

But I'm not gonna write on criticism and vulnerability today. I'm going to save that for another day.

Instead, I want to share this tranquil place where I escaped to one weekend late in January.

I went away on a weekend retreat to a secluded place nestled and tucked secretly away about 30 Km from the hustle and bustle of the city that I heart so much.

I found this sanctuary while browsing online. Purely by accident about a few years back. Plan finally became an action somewhere in late January. I rounded up my sisters and friends and a photographer for the 2 days 1 night stay.

Trust me when I say, never ever attempt to reach this place without a proper map from someone who has actually been there. From the mainroad, don't count on seeing any signboards leading you in. Don't bother with GPS as it's not located on it.

Don't bother turning your cellphones on, there isn't reception or network coverage to begin with. It's just me and my friends acquainting ourselves with the sounds of nature.

So there we were, after several wrong turns, and a few "wei, masuk sini la" we finally made it to a place with a very unique name, Sekeping Serendah which in English would literally translate into 'a piece of Serendah'. Beautiful isn't it. It's a piece of heaven which can only be found to those who want it bad enough and look for it hard enough.

While my sisters and friends were happily jumping and diving into the pool, I chose a quiet corner in the house where the sunlight streamed through the glass wall, switched my Ipod on and read a book. It was bliss. everywhere I looked throughout the house, all I saw were the leaves and the trees. All I heard was the sound of the stream somewhere near the glass house and the birds chirping.

I took walks alone along the path, stopped at the stream, dipped my feet in and just stood around looking in wonder and awe at god's creation. It was a significant moment for me personally. I took the quiet time alone to just be with me. A moment of reflection. I made a few decisions and hoped that I won't regret them...and I haven't.

So there we were, 3 sisters and friends, no tv, no cell coverage, no radio...the only thing to do was to spend time with each other.

It was a weekend worth spent away from the city that I heart so much, late in January. I will come back. To pause and reflect once again.

The Sun Ain’t Gonna Shine

I know I'm supposed to be hard at work; I've got like a stack of paperwork to clear in front of me. I promise this will be a quick one.

I'm listening to the Four Top's 'The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine' on my Ipod. It's my morning ritual. I need to listen to a selection of songs, depending on the mood I'm in before I start the day.

And suddenly I thought of him. I haven't seen him in 4 months. Ever since that "fateful" (I'm typing this with my eyes rolled) night where I accidentally fell asleep while waiting for him to pick me up when we were supposed to go out for a movie. We haven't called each other since. I'm too much of a chicken to call him and apologize where else I think he's too mad that I actually stood him up. Well, not intentionally though.

He loves the song by the Four Tops. He'd sing that song whenever we're in the car. I downloaded the song and gave him the CD. He was ecstatic.

Maafkanlah saya J Saya memang tak sengaja tertidur.

I miss your singing-lah.

Change of Heart.

"And what does a woman dream of, Mrs. Stowe?"

Smiling dreamily, she pulled back the blankets on his bed. "She dreams of a man who is all hers, a man whose whole world revolves around her. He might go out and solve world problems and be seen by everyone as magnificently strong, but when he's at home, he puts his head on her lap and tells her he couldn't have accomplished anything without her."

What Dreams Are Made Of

I dreamed of a wedding so perfect,
a flowing gown, a reception filled with flowers,
family and friends. I asked him what he dreamed of.
He said he dreamed of me..

That Easy Sunday

I had a good weekend, although I had to work on Saturday, but I still had a good weekend.

That Saturday evening, I was in the mood to cook and entertain. I wanted to be around people I am comfortable with, people who know me and my eccentricities, my weaknesses and yet accepts me as I am. I wanted to be around people who would listen and yet not be pushy, people I could trust with my deepest, darkest secrets.

I rushed to Max Value, at the same time thinking of what to make. I wanted to make the stuffed roast chicken with the recipe that I got from a friend. I wanted to make a Mediterranean salad. I wanted to make Crème Brulee for dessert but I only had about an hour. I still had to prepare the guest bedroom and straighten out the living room. The ambitious menu would just have to wait. Perhaps another time, another evening. I decided to make something simple and quick. Pasta sautéed with garlic, and to add color, l threw in broccoli, a handful of green, yellow and red capsicum, diced. I cheated a bit, I sprinkled a bit of chicken cube for flavor and a sprinkle of oregano leaves for the chicken. Dessert would be a banana split. Bananas, vanilla and chocolate ice cream topped with Hershey's chocolate syrup sprinkled with a rainbow of chocolate rice and chopped walnuts. I hope that would be good enough.

The girls arrived right after maghrib. The evening would be a good one, I remember thinking that, and it was.

It was a cosy evening. It was just me and the girls, sharing food and exchanging stories. Laughing over a joke, an anecdote and laughing at ourselves. I needed that.

Breakfast the next day was at a neighboring curry house. I had my Puri. I haven't had Puri in a long time. I love Puri. Puri is good. I also love the potatoes that come as a side dish. Sunday is going to be a good day. I had a good feeling.

The ladies and I decided to spend the remaining Sunday morning at Amcorp Mall browsing through antiques and second hand stuff. What do you call those piring hitam's? I was in heaven. I loved all the retro and rnb songs on those piring hitam. Wished they had them on CD's. We said our goodbye's and 'I'll be seeing you' a few hours later. I

It was my alone time at home. Did my laundry, ironed out a week's worth of work clothes.

I charged my Ipod, after a month of neglect. I need my music. My Spinners, my Natalie Cole, Maliq & the Essentials, my Eric Bennet. I've missed them. Can't wait to listen to the playlist which I've categorized as "The Jiwangness in Me". I'm in that mood right now.

If I had somebody to call my other half, I would've ended the perfect Sunday with an evening at the park with him, flying kites and watching the kids laughing and running. Being carefree and enjoying life. If I knew back then that life would have its up and downs when I grew up, I would've taken my time to grow up. Reminded me of the Toys R Us jingle. I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid.

Have a great week ahead ok.

Did I not tell you?

You keep calling at odd hours in the morning, being very persistent, until I pick up the phone. I'm too exhausted to even mumble a word so I just hold the phone to my ear, not saying a word, with my eyes closed and not listening to a word you say. I'm too exhausted to argue with you...

I work 10 hours a day, I go out when the sun hasn't even peeped yet and I come clock out when the sun is about to set. I continue my day with being another person, this supposedly entrepreneurial woman, calculating profits and losses and thinking of ways of increasing sales so that the business would stay afloat. As I enter the door to a place where I call home, a new day is about to start and yet I'm still trying to catch up on the present.

I'd switch roles again. This time a domestic goddess. A single domestic goddess thank god. I don't think I'd be able to hold up if there were kids running around. Not yet, but in the future insyallah.

As my head hit the pillows, my eyes glance at the clock on my nightstand. A few more hours. A quick al-fatihah, the three Qul's and the Ayatul Kursi. I'm in between the conscious and subconscious realms of life.

And then the phone rings. It's you. I press the silent button. Yet you call again. I push the phone under the pillow. When I finally wake up, I see 7 missed calls and a few text messages.

I told you from the very beginning, I can't do this. I'm no longer that person anymore. You said you'd understand. But I guess you don't. Because you see, I don't want to say yes I'll commit myself to you and yet not be committed to you. Am I making sense?

Don't hate me. I did tell you.

Single or Double?

How do you spell Phillippine?

with a single 'L' and a single 'P'? or

with a double 'L' and a double 'P or

with a double 'L' and a single 'P'??

Does it even have an 'S' at the end of it??

What say you?

Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa@Istana Budaya

Living in KL, you'll never run out of things to do. For those who absolutely love theatres and the performance arts, don't miss Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa that will be staged at Istana Budaya this month. Fret not, the play will be staged in English..Yippie yeay!

As the mighty empires of Byzantine Rome and China prepare to be united through marriage, General Merong Mahawangsa must find a way to defeat Garuda’s plan to disrupt this union and fulfil his duty to his king. New friendships are formed and old ones tested as the magical bird Jentayu struggles between friendship and honour, and duty and loyalty to his uncle, the fearsome Garuda, and the two royals in love try to survive and find each other amid exciting fights set against the beautiful and ethereal backdrop of Langkawi.

This family-friendly English language adaptation of the Malay classics of Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa and Jentayu stars Megat Sharizal Yusoff as General Merong Mahawangsa, Sham Sunder Binwani as Garuda, Tuan Faisal Azmy as Jentayu, Tony Leo Selvaraj as Prince Justinian, Siti Farrah Abdullah as Dewi Embun, Shafiqah Shafie as Princess Ling Ling, Sani Zainal Abdullah as Kakaktua, Nyza Zaini as Lao Lao, Nick Dorian as Laut and Acat Aziz as Darat.

Venue: Istana Budaya
When: 14 May 2009, 10;00AM - 14 May 2009, 08:30PM -
15 May 2009, 08:00PM - 15 May 2009, 03:00PM -
16 May 2009, 08:30PM - 16 May 2009, 03:00PM -

Website:
merongepic.com

Address:
Lambang Sari, Istana Budaya, Jalan Tun Razak, KL

Tel: 03 4142 7844

Entry Fees:
RM35 (Adults), RM25 (children twelve-years-old and below. Early-bird, family and group discounts are available)

Advance Booking: YES

I'll see you in Istana Budaya!

KL & it's Men

I love the city. I love that you can get a glass of teh tarik or in my case, a glass of air limau suam and a plate of roti kosong at 3am. I love that the city houses Kinokuniya, Borders and a huge MPH.

I love the city after the rain has washed away all the debris and you will get this amazing, clear view of the city skyline. I love having breakfast over the weekend with my girlfriends at Ms Read @ Dua Residence over at Jalan Tun Razak.

I love driving and being in KL at 9am on a weekend. It's so quiet. I love dancing the night away in Hard Rock Cafe, listening to the house band. I love the sights,the night lights, the sounds and the smell of kl's street food. I love walking along Jalan Bukit Bintang. I love sitting in Dome KLCC on a weekday evening and just people watch. I heart Kl. Kl is an amazing city to be in.

However, for a city that offers so much, it is lacking in men.

Kl has this serious shortage of available men. Available and normal men. Or if there are an abundance of em somewhere, I must be looking at the wrong places or they are just tucked away, hidden from me because I keep ending up with....with....

Exhibit A
Ms G and Mr K introduced us. Let's call him Mr A. He was reportedly and supposedly a good friend of the family of Ms G and Mr K. Meet him in Ampang. I had to pay for his dinner, and as we were walking towards the parking lot, he asked to borrow 2ok from me! Do I have like CIMB/Maybank bergerak stamped on my forehead?

Exhibit B
Mr R..I can't remember where I met him but he's the invisible man. He would suddenly disappear for months at a time, and suddenly appear out of nowhere. He would beg me to give him a second chance, pleading to meet.He would come up with these outrageous excuses ranging from 'I'm a workaholic, I've been trying to buy a franchise, I've been out of the country yadda yadda yadda.

Mr R, let me introduce you to the Cellphone. It's a very useful device. It can help you send text messages no matter where you are in the world to the people back home. If that doesn't work or maybe for some pathetic reason, your cell does not support roaming, let me introduce you to the desktop/laptop. Log on to the world wide web and voila! You can actually send emails letting people know where you are. It is the new millenium you know. Even the tea lady where I work is more wired than you are.

His most interesting line so far "Can we just meet for dinner, and I want you to see that I'm worth it" Emmm....I don't think so!

How many frogs do I have to kiss before I meet my prince charming?

I love Kl, but seriously, the men here need a major make over. Don't replenish the stock, look at new products instead. :))

Akademi Fantasia?

Photo from mStar online

My close circle of friends would probably roll their eyes and snigger if they ever find out that I've been watching Akademi Fantasia. Watching and drooooling over a particular contestant.

I do watch the reality tv show. On and off (cheh! I'm in denial) Just not so diligently sampai tahap I can't miss one episode but if you ask me to name the winners of each season I probably could name them in. hehehe

Akademi Fantasia 7 has lured me into its trap mainly because one amazing women. She gave me the goosebumps when I watched her perform for Puteri Gunung Ledang the Musical last February. But that's another story altogether.

So there I was last night, stretched out on the Sofa, watching Hafiz. The thing that got to me was, this one particular moment when he was wiping sweat off his forehead. I know you might say "ewww...that is so gross!" but there was just something in his movement that moved me, you know??????? You know the feeling when something or someone just gets to you, in a good way.



Looat at the part where Adlin was commenting on him, and he was wiping sweat off his forehead..sangat adorableeeeeeee...

But my obsession aside, I think he is a really good performer. Don't believe me, go look it up on youtube :)

I think he's a Guy Sebastian from Australian Idol look-a-like.

I'm rooting for you Hafiz! But honestly, I won't be a figure in the statistics sms-ing for you. Other than that, you have my full support babe! You're so cute I could bite you! Arrrrrrrr...!

One Over the Other

I was in One Utama yesterday, killing an hour before the movie Wolverine started. I hopped over to my favourite place, my sanctuary...MPH

I had every intention of buying this book; (see below) when I stepped into MPH.

"One Fifth Avenue, the Art Deco beauty towering over one of Manhattan's oldest and most historically hip neighborhoods, is a one-of-a-kind address, the sort of building you have to earn your way into - one way or another. For the women in Candace Bushnell's new novel, One Fifth Avenue, this edifice is essential to the lives they've carefully established - or hope to establish. From the hedge fund king's wife to the aging gossip columnist to the free-spirited actress (a recent refugee from L.A.), each person's game plan for a rich life comes together under the soaring roof of this landmark building." This book is a modern-day story of old and new money, that same combustible mix that Edith Wharton mastered in her novels about New York's Gilded Age and F. Scott Fitzgerald illuminated in his Jazz Age tales. Many decades later, Bushnell's New Yorkers suffer the same passions as those fictional Manhattanites from eras past: They thirst for power, for social prominence, and for marriages that are successful - at least to the public eye. But Bushnell is an original, and One Fifth Avenue is so fresh that it reads as if sexual politics, real estate theft, and fortunes lost in a day have never happened before.

After a hellish work schedule for the past 2 months,working non stop 7 days a week, getting home just to crash on the bed and change clothes, I am in serious need for a distraction. I needed something glamorous, something along the lines of Sex and the City. I needed the power girls. I desperately wanted to escape the world for just a few hours.

But this book caught my eye instead;

Interesting title I must say. Personally, I've always thought that one is the other. I didn't buy the book yet. I still needed some time to browse through and maybe GOOGLE it over. ( Yes, I'm that kind of person ;p)

Tomorrow is a Sunday. I might just go to MPH again.

Of Ex'es...

I loved him once. A very long time ago. Life was beautiful before it got ugly. He was a part of me...and then he wasn't.

He will soon be a husband. To a girl who worships the ground he walks on and adores him.

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials.

Before any of you get this twisted idea that I'm still in love with..stop right there. ;) I can assure you that I'm not. But we did share a few good laughs, while it lasted.

I've stuffed his ear with cotton bud once, and it wouldnt come out and we had to rush to the clinic to get it out.

We were studying, him in Uitm and me in UPM. Money was scarce, we shared nasi bungkus together, eating at the lake near PKNS. I think both of us were still hungry, but kesian at the other...takut duit tak cukup hehehe

He taught me to swim, but not how to float. Cause he doesnt know how to either!

I trained him to read Judith McNaught novels and become all mushy mushy inside. He borrowed mine and never returned them.

He loves chicken curry, and I learned how to cook it.

We shared some pretty good moments I must say...

When I was way younger and naive, when we just broke up. I was in a race against him to see who had the better partner. Whose life was better. It was all about who is better off without each other. I think I was trying to prove that life without me is a big mistake. I was stupid ok, give me allowances for that ;)

I'm wiser now. Or I'd at least like to believe that I am. I'd better be, or all that running around, heart broken and calling it life's experience would be wasted. :)

It doesnt matter who ends up with the better partner or the better life. You're happy that she makes you happy, and life is more meaningful with her around, then you are blessed and I am envious. A good envy mind you. I am envious that you have found that rare someone who you want to spend your future with. Someone who accepts you for what and who you are. That is a rare gift.

I still haven't found that person yet. But I know I will. Pray that I will.

I wish you all the best things that life has to offer. I wish you'd stop hating me...I can be a really good friend ;)

Day 1

I was no longer anynomous. I couldn't really write what I wanted to write about, for fear that people might get hurt..or annoyed, or maybe they would just want to rip my head off once they realize that it's them I'm griping about.

So I'm starting fresh. I'll try to remain anonymous, be a bit mysterious, be a bit elusive :)

I'm gonna try to put my thoughts into words. It's never easy. Sometimes my mind wanders and strays, jumping from one idea to another, one thought to the other, one memory after another, looking at my past and zooming in on the future. I need to focus.

Till tomorrow, when my thoughts will be more at peace. Till tomorrow, may you have wonderful dreams and a restful sleep.

Till tomorrow...