Did I not tell you?

You keep calling at odd hours in the morning, being very persistent, until I pick up the phone. I'm too exhausted to even mumble a word so I just hold the phone to my ear, not saying a word, with my eyes closed and not listening to a word you say. I'm too exhausted to argue with you...

I work 10 hours a day, I go out when the sun hasn't even peeped yet and I come clock out when the sun is about to set. I continue my day with being another person, this supposedly entrepreneurial woman, calculating profits and losses and thinking of ways of increasing sales so that the business would stay afloat. As I enter the door to a place where I call home, a new day is about to start and yet I'm still trying to catch up on the present.

I'd switch roles again. This time a domestic goddess. A single domestic goddess thank god. I don't think I'd be able to hold up if there were kids running around. Not yet, but in the future insyallah.

As my head hit the pillows, my eyes glance at the clock on my nightstand. A few more hours. A quick al-fatihah, the three Qul's and the Ayatul Kursi. I'm in between the conscious and subconscious realms of life.

And then the phone rings. It's you. I press the silent button. Yet you call again. I push the phone under the pillow. When I finally wake up, I see 7 missed calls and a few text messages.

I told you from the very beginning, I can't do this. I'm no longer that person anymore. You said you'd understand. But I guess you don't. Because you see, I don't want to say yes I'll commit myself to you and yet not be committed to you. Am I making sense?

Don't hate me. I did tell you.