The-Mad Hatter Cinta

"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.


"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."

The Cheshire cat, Alice in Wonderland.

I’ve caught myself being judgmental over another person one too many times. A simple glance, an odd phrase, an out of place character, an odd-sounding sneeze and Mr. Hyde will take form and start to preside over my thoughts. Dark, smoky and venomous thoughts cloud around my judgment.

However, the Mr. Hyde side of me has been undergoing intensive therapy for the past two years. Countless hours have been invested, trying to eliminate Mr. Hyde, training to think positive thoughts. Bucketful of negative vibes have also been hurled out the window, sending it fluttering away against the wind to a land far far away undiscoverable by humans, unknown and unheard of.

A conversation with a friend however had me pausing and reflecting in the midst of busy mid-week rush hour traffic. I distinctly remember arguing and trying to weasel my way out of another attempt at matchmaking. Only this time, no aunts or makciks are involved. Only a few friends, who will be getting a cut of commission from the dowry money if things decide to work out well and on that note, I need an escape plan if things do work out unexpectedly well. I made that offer a very long time ago, when I was much younger, none the wiser and most probably high on the sugar rush from unlimited amounts of ice lemon tea on a night out with the ladies and marriage was a coveted fairytales-do-come true occasion amongst us singles. Well now that I’m way PAST that phase...

So as I sat there, listening to why I should do it and laying down pathetic reasons why I should not, among them being; what if he likes to eat fried chicken legs with mayonnaise? Or he likes to wear selipar jepun on a weekend to The Curve? He listens to Backstreet Boys and memorizes every one of their songs or maybe he has manicured and pedicured nails, and prefers to eat his barbecued chicken wings with a fork and knife instead of doing the manly thing and use his fingers? Maybe he likes to name drop and brags about the time he played golf with some royalty or maybe just maybe, he likes to read Ahadiat Akashah and Judith McNaught romance novels?

I stopped mid way when it suddenly dawned on me, there I was, being judgmental when I have yet to even lock eyes with the person, when it actual truth, I am the one with the weird quirks and idiosyncrasies.

I have a record of scaring away dates with preaches on the sanctity of marriage and how utterly important it was for a spouse to be loyal, on a FIRST date. For crying out loud, who does that on a first date?!!

I have also had the gut-foolish (I just invented that word) to give out fashion and hair advice which I am positively certain it came out sounding rather condescending, which wasn’t my intention in the first place. I am rude as I pick up calls in the middle of dinner, I like to play with my straw, and I sometimes forget my manners when I place my elbows on the table. I am foolish enough to do that on dates.Any takers? To compensate for my lack of social grace, I believe I cook a mean asam pedas. Nobody will ever be hungry when I’m around. My friends can vouch for that.

The thing is this, it got me thinking, I’m not even sure if I got my point across; I cannot judge a person to a set of beliefs or try to conform them to a mould which I believe is politically or socially correct or incorrect, whichever way it is. Sometimes, I don’t even know right from wrong, what is accepted and what is not. Most of the times, I’m just being myself. I listen to Craig David and I think he’s hot, I love watching sappy romantic movies and even have The Holiday stored in my iPod, some people can’t handle that. Too much romance they say.  I like to bite my lips and stare off into space when I’m thinking, and I can’t get my act together-don’t know what to order in posh restaurants. Apart from that, I love my pink selipar jepun and I think they’re funky and I like flopping them around One Utama and The Curve every weekend. Oh, watch out for my hand gestures when I talk, cause I do a lot of that as well, to the point of overdoing it. Hope my friends aren’t embarrassed by that, as I have been prone to hit a few innocent passersby with those extreme acts of self expression.

So, I was thinking, if I promise to accept you as you are, will you accept me as I am, weird and clueless at times? Life would be dull without us filling it with odd and uncanny quirks and idiosyncrasies. I say, bring on the friend chicken legs and the Backstreet singing boys and the well manicured nails,  we're all mad here. ;-) So says the grinning cat.