Three years ago I made the difficult decision to switch careers. I thought I would be happier. It was a huge step up with exciting opportunities, and it was, or still is. The new job gave me the opportunity to travel more in the past three years than I ever did before. I met new people with a wealth of experience and drew inspiration from their successes and stories of life.
But somehow, being honest with myself now, I feel empty. Not depressed or I-will-never-laugh-again…just empty. I don’t know whether it was because of the choices I made or maybe, just maybe, it was because of the big void that Pak Syed left. I’d rather if it was the former than the latter.
I think I was happy three years ago. I remember laughing a lot more. Reading a lot more. Writing a lot more in this blog of mine. Seeing a lot more movies and having the time to do things that made me happy.
I think I’ve tried everything to feel that same euphoric feeling and the giddiness I’ve felt three years before. Spent more time with friends, had positive quotes tacked to my corkboard at work…but nothing. I even bought boxes of cupcakes because I saw this poster once that said “You can’t buy happiness but you can buy cupcakes. And that’s kind of the same thing.” Still no butterflies, only more weight added. Yes, I think I’ve gained at least 8kg from comfort eating.
I don’t regret making that decision. Standing at that crossroad and choosing that certain path. But….I can’t help but to keep on wondering, if it was right, then why do I feel empty inside?