Single in KL

Winds of Change

2010-09-14T14:46:00.001+08:00

I like to begin my sentences with ‘sometimes’. It feels like I'm floating through a whimsical fairytale.

Sometimes change is good, or so they say.

So I’m making a change. I’m moving address.

My new home would be here. Just in case you didn't catch that.

http://storyofcinta.wordpress.com/

Sincerely Yours

2010-09-07T17:10:00.002+08:00

There is no kampong to be going back to this year. Grandmother dearest will be spending Hari Raya here with us in good ol’ Kuala Lumpur this time around.

We’re starting new traditions.

I’m expecting arrivals from Singapore and Johor anytime now. No, not anytime now, I need time to make the house presentable. Give me ample grace period please dear aunts and uncles. Time for me to sweep everything under the carpet and maybe under the bed.

Although it feels kind of weird not to be going back kampong, like we normally do, but I think it doesn’t matter where you are. What’s important is the people celebrating it with you.

Yes, I’ll miss the thundering explosive sounds of the meriam buluh, the shrieks of my little cousins, the harassed feeling I get whenever they try to mow me down, the constant flow of guests that come in droves to visit my grandmother, of which I have to add, would turn me and my sisters into wild and frantic bibiks-making sure that the kuih raya jars are constantly replenished, drinks to flow non-stop and amidst all that chaos, lunch and dinner will still need to be cooked and served. Yes, I’ll miss that.

But it’s ok. They’ll be on my turf this year which means I get to have a say. “Pergi tolong cuci pinggan, jangan terabur makan kuih, ha! Lompat lompat, cubit karang”...I can be that but where’s the fun without the shrieks and yells. It is Hari Raya after all.

So...

Selamat Hari Raya to you, where ever you are, be it in Kelantan, Pahang, Terengganu or even California, have a blessed Eidulfitri. Mohon ampun dan maaf, zahir dan batin jika sekiranya ada tersalah kata, terkasar bahasa selama ini.

Be safe on the roads.

September Rain

2010-09-03T16:07:00.001+08:00

Really. Where did August go? It's September already?

Mean Machine

2010-09-02T12:14:00.000+08:00

A guy to gym coach: "I want to impress this cute girl I'm meeting in three days...which machine shall I use?".

Coach: "Use the ATM machine outside the gym...".

You Complete Me?

2010-08-29T13:42:00.004+08:00

Intermittent pauses between completing PowerPoint slides for a work presentation, writing articles which were long overdue, sipping on really strong coffee and a large sugarless ice tea, there we were, 2 girls, sitting in a crowded coffee place, complaining about the heat, checking out cute boys and back to complaining about the heat.

After a few exchanges of commentaries and analyzing why the heat was so in palpable, the conversation took on a different turn. From weather commentaries to commentaries on boys to figuring out one of many life’s mysteries - a sense of belonging. And it suddenly poured outside, from where we were seated, we could see the drops of rain. No wonder it was so hot.

My coffee partner, who shall be known as BlackCoffee henceforth, because she likes her coffee bitter and black, is living a life that is still, as she described it, pending. I can’t really describe things in detail as its her story, and writing about it would be like violating copyright protection rules. Her life story is copyright protected.

Ok, now I’m beginning to wonder how I am supposed to continue with the story.

Contemplating divorce, the question that arose was, “am I doing right thing?”. I was taken aback, kind of heavy stuff for a rainy Sunday evening. I looked at her, honestly not knowing what to say. No, that’s not exactly the truth, I knew exactly what I wanted to say, with complimentary facial expressions thrown in, considering my strong aversion to the husband for the things that he did to BlackCoffee and the kids. But who am I to judge? I can only say what I think is right, but push comes to shove, it is her life, her marriage, her call.

What lingered on my mind was what she said later as she looked hard at me and expressed what she felt inside “I like the feeling of being complete. That my life is whole. The husband, wife and the kids.”

I get what she was saying. I think I do.

But I can’t help but wonder, does that make me incomplete? Single and all. Is that how many married couples out there sees a single girl out and about, as an incomplete entity in society?

I remember reading a comment on Facebook. A friend congratulated a newly married friend-congratulations! Welcome to the real world. Err, I seriously thought that I am living in the real world as it is.

Maybe it is one of those cases of " I know you think you understand what you thought I said but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant" I perhaps may have interpreted it the way it was not supposed to be understood. Maybe, perhaps.

But it does hurt sometimes, to have people say that life is not complete without a husband and kids, that I have not been living in the real world, that my life is much simpler being single, that my problems, my issues are meaningless and insignificant. It hurts to hear comments from married friends when they un-tactfully say " oh I don't know what I have been doing all this while, running around town, pretending that all is fabulous, being single when in actual fact life was so meaningless. You should get married already". If it was that simple, I would have. Trust me.

That is just not fair. But then again, sometimes they say that life is not fair. Maybe I’m on the wrong side of the balancing scale. Maybe I have to hop on to that ‘In a relationship’ bandwagon stat if I want to know what real life is.

Now, what is that dating site I once wrote about? I better hurry and register myself. ;)

Romantic fool that I am, I don't support the notion that 'you-complete me'. I'm much more inclined to believe that ‘I-complete-me’ while ‘you’ complements the perfection.

p/s: Cinta at the moment this entry is written is ok with being single. Marriage is an ever-after affair, a lot of thought should be put into it. Singles have the right to be choosy. We learn from the mistakes of our married friends who are living in the real world.

Predictably Unpredictable

2010-08-27T15:37:00.005+08:00

An old friend called me yesterday. We’ve known each other since we were sixteen. I can't remember how we became friends exactlt as we went to different schools. Me in one of those schools where my seniors would blow up toilets just for the fun of it and being chased by one of the teachers in the midst of cutting school is a norm. He, on the other hand, went to one of those preppy institutions, where they wore preppy white shirts with preppy white trousers and preppy black shiny shoes. A preppy boy in a preppy school, with predictable flying colors exam results with of course a predictable future in the line engineering. Everything about him is predictably predictable. But his preppiness and my gangsta-paradise of a school background did not stop us from being friends.

So yes, he called yesterday. Which was alse predictable. Only the conversation was not so predictable which caught me off-guard.

Preppy boy : Have you updated your blog?

Cinta : No, not yet. I don’t know what to write about.

Preppy boy : It has been a while right?

Cinta : Errr....yes

Preppy boy : You should just announce its death. Shut it down.

Cinta is rendered speechless on the unpredictibility of his line of thought.

Un ía a la vez.

2010-08-15T23:48:00.001+08:00

When I first started Single in KL, I was optimistic, and positive.

I wanted to stay positive because I wanted my life to be filled with all the good things in life. Good vibes attract good things and good people. I believed in that. Whole heartedly. I saw the good in the bad and though everything wasn’t peaches and creams with cherries on top, I urged myself to see things as colorful as they can be.

But that was then, many moons ago.

I have been in denial for the longest time. Telling myself that whatever is happening will eventually fade away. If only I could figure out the ‘whatever-is-happening’ part. I’m still confused and I am still trying to figure out this empty feeling inside myself.

No, I am not referring to my non-existent dating life at the moment. I admit, it gets kind if lonely sometimes. Not, not sometimes, most of the times. Especially on cold rainy evenings such as today. *sigh* I don’t know…But I do know it is not because of the lack of dates. No, not that.

There are so many things that I wish I could say here, to let the words flow onto the monitor but I can’t. I always believe that whatever is said or written, whether intentionally or unintentionally, could or would hurt people. Family and friends. I don’t want to do that. I don’t believe in that. I’m more traditional and I believe that I have a certain responsibility to the things that I post here.

Hence the lack of posts the past few months. I can’t think of anything nice to write about.

More often than not, I find myself laughing less and frowning more and even the wrinkle lines have even started to show. I’ve been seeing less of my friends and family and when I do, even my own laughter sounds hollow to my own ears.

Life is so predictable at the moment. Work, home, the occasional dinner and work again the next morning with the occasional travel thrown in between. I am thankful for that. To be allowed to see the beauty of life, of nature and of people from all over but something is missing.

I don’t know…I don’t know…I don’t know…

I don’t even know where this post if headed. Maybe if I am honest to myself, and admit that life isn’t a colorful rainbow right now, maybe I can move on and figure out what went wrong.

Tell me that it is human to be feeling what I’m feeling right now.

In the meantime, have a meaningful Ramadhan. Maybe I get to see the little girl with the strawberries sewn on her telekung again this year during terawikh. Maybe this year she’ll have flowers instead. Maybe.

un día a la vez.

One day at a time.

The Life that I Have

2010-08-03T15:57:00.001+08:00

The life that I have
Is all that I have
And the life that I have
Is yours

The love that I have
Of the life that I have
Is yours and yours and yours.

A sleep I shall have
A rest I shall have
Yet death will be but a pause

For the peace of my years
In the long green grass
Will be yours and yours and yours.

By
British Playwright Leo Marks

Invisible you

2010-07-29T14:33:00.000+08:00

I got home around 3.30am this morning after a 2-hour flight delay from Manila, and I’m here in the office a few hours later, groggy, drowsy and seeing everything around my workstation in two’s. As much as I was tempted to stay in bed when my alarm struck five this morning, I had to remind myself that I promised the boss to come back on Tuesday, rain or shine when I wanted her to sign on the dotted line saying that it was ok for me to disappear for three days leaving only two of my colleagues to hold the fort down, in the land where they sing to the tunes of Malaysia Truly Asia, where assignments come in at the very last minute and deadlines were supposed to be met yesterday instead of a certain point of time in the near future.

But it is not Manila that I want to write about at this particular moment. Wonderful as it was, I’m keeping that for another entry.

Maybe it’s just me and my weird sense of how I see the world around me. It is a matter made up of a purely trivial and mundane issue, but it bothered me none the less.

With the world being as connected as it is now, having maybe all 3 or 4 of our messenger applications turned on round the clock on our BlackBerry, iPhones and what nots, it is sometimes good to just be invisible.

I see you but you can’t see me. Or just maybe, I don’t feel like talking to you. Isn’t that part of the charm of being invisible? Now, if only this cloak of invisibility would somehow work in real life.

Anyway, maybe due to the lack of sleep, I found myself easily irked and somewhat irritated by the simple fact of a friend choosing to be invisible on her messenger. Actually, it wasn’t because she was invisible that got me on edge, but in some weird sense it was because she was invisible, and yet kept on buzz-ing and ping-ing me for a response. I don’t see you, remember?

One would probably roll their eyes at me right now. Making such a big fuss out of this whole invisibility business.

It’s really simple actually. Being invisible lets out a certain message that you are in this cave where you choose not to be reachable. If you choose to go under the cloak of invisibility, it is best that you stay that way. Should you choose to come out of hiding, then there is this little button where you can alter you presence here on the World Wide Web. Choose who you wish to communicate with, and then have the courtesy to appear visible to them. Communication is a two way thing.

Life is simple. Really, or did I just make it a tad bit difficult and confusing? Excuse my ranting and raving. I need to sleep.

Hopping on a Train

2010-07-07T17:08:00.001+08:00

It's never easy, especially on cold, gloomy, rainy afternoons like this. But you soldier on anyway. You have to, or you'd miss the train, and trains never do wait for you.

It's July already. Really. I wouldn't want to miss the train.

Ba'kelalan – The Land Where Rainbows End

2010-06-28T16:48:00.008+08:00

Images by: Seth Peli of Seth Photography

Fahmi Aziz

Cinta

The 45-minutes flight on MasWings twin otter plane from Miri provided a mesmerizing view of the long stretch of green terrain below with miles of lush tropical rainforest painting the landscape of Miri. Deeply lost in my own thoughts as I sat there gazing at the scenery below, I knew we were nearing our destination as the plane started to descend and stretches of paddy fields can be seen dotting the village of Ba’kelalan.

Coined as the Heart of the Borneo escapade, Ba’kelalan is situated about 3000 feet above sea level, and 4km from Kalimantan, Indonesia. The charming and rustic rural village of Ba’kelalan comprises of 9 other small villages and is home to about 1500 Lun Bawang people.

Three beautiful Lun Bawang girls, heads adorned with yellow strings of beads and dressed in their traditional black costume which set a startling contrast against the azure blue sky of Ba’kelalan greeted me as I stepped down from the small aircraft

The welcoming ceremony did not stop there. As I headed towards the Apple Lodge, which will be home for the next four days and also literally situated right next to the airport, I was greeted by the melodious voices of the people of Ba’kelalan, young and old, singing the tunes of “Ba’kelalan My Home Sweet Home”, a reflection of the harmonious culture in Ba’kelalan. Tapping my feet to the uplifting beat of the song, I felt myself feeling at home amidst the the sun shiny warmth of Ba’kelalan.

Only in Ba’kelalan

Ba’kelalan is well known because of its apples. Yes, only in Ba’kelalan are you able to find locally grown apples. The cool and refreshing highland air makes Ba’kelalan the ideal, and in fact, the only place where apples are cultivated in Malaysia. The Ba’kelalan apple story began some time back in the 1960’s, when Andrew Balang Paran brought back 50 apple seedlings from Kalimantan, Indonesia. It was only 5 years ago back in 2007 when Pak Tagal and his family decided that it was high time Ba’kelalan has its own Apple Fiesta. Held yearly from 6-8 May, the Ba’kelalan Apple Fiesta brings about a festive air throughout the normally quiet and peaceful village. It is during this 3 day fiesta that the villagers will get a chance to showcase their talents at singing, dancing and even demonstrating on how to make apple pie from scratch. This is also an opportunity to visit the apple orchard and be fascinated at the apples wonderful colors of green and red. Consisting of four varieties with names such as Rome Beauty, Manalagi, Ba’kelalan and Cherry, bite into any of these apples and you will find yourself wanting more of the juicy sweetness and soft crunch of Ba’kelalan apples.

Apples and a bit of adventure

But apples aren’t the only main attractions in Ba’kelalan. To me, what defines Ba’kelalan is the endless warmth and genuine smiles of the people. Wherever you go, either taking a leisurely stroll along the paddy fields in the warmth of the evening sun, or sweating it out and hiking to Bukit Sarui to take in the wonderful sights of Ba’kelalan, you will always be greeted with a toothy smile and sometimes toothless grins (depending on the age) of the villagers, and if you’re lucky enough, after a few curious glances and smiles, you will have your own personal entourage of kids from various ages, showing you the sights and sounds of the village.

Breathing in the fresh air and watching the kids playfully chase each other around the paddy field; there is an element of serenity surrounding the village. However, don’t be fooled by the quiet tranquillity of Ba’kelalan. Adventurers in search of the beaten track can expect for the challenging terrain here to live up to its expectations especially during tropical rainy season. The Borneo Jungle Safari (BJS) offers an adventure trail package which promises to get your heart racing and adrenaline pumping. This would be a good opportunity for you to test your off-road driving skills. If you are up for a roller-coaster ride in a 4WD, you can enter Ba’kelalan from Lawas, where the off road journey would take a good 5-6 hours, depending on the road conditions. Be prepared to camp out if the roads get treacherous especially during those heavy rainy seasons. If you’re an avid tracker, a five hour trekking expedition through the jungles of Borneo will lead you to the border of Malaysia-Kalimantan.

Village-hopping

While the images of mud tracks and rivers are appealing, I very much preferred a less strenuous activity. Spending a whole day visiting 3 villages around Ba’kelalan, I took the opportunity to learn more about the people of Ba’kelalan and immerse myself in the Ba’kelalan culture and lifestyle. I was even lucky enough to witness a Lun Bawang marriage ceremony. There was relentless teasing from the crowds as the mock bride and grooms shyly took their designated place as husband and place at the front of the room. What is a wedding celebration without a traditional dance routine? All the guests and myself included was then dragged to dance along to one of their traditional dances done at every wedding ceremony. I could see from the smiling faces on everyone present that they were having fun and a little bit drowsy perhaps from the endless cups of rice coffee served to us at every village, but that’s Lun Bawang hospitality for you. Serving the guests the best of what they have to offer.

Head-hunters

The thing that I love most about Ba’kelalan is the passion of its people. The passion that they have for the land they call home. I could hear it in their voice, see it in their expression what Ba’kelalan means to them. Over a steaming cup of tea on my last night in Ba’kelalan, Mutang and his band of brothers circled me and began narrating stories of Ba’kelalan from years gone passed down from generation to generation. It was a story of their people; their tribe. They began their story saying that hundreds of years ago, many tribes in Sarawak were head hunters. Tribal fights occurred because of revenge and the power over territory. When a warrior is victorious, a ritual dance would take place around the perimeter of a crocodile or “Buaya Ulong” erected from earth. The warriors would then be chanting incantations relaying the story of the fights and how they were victorious. It gave me the goose bumps, listening to his story while in my mind I was imagining a warrior, looking down at me from a hill, challenging me. I was shaken from my reverie when told that there are still a few sites of these Buaya Ulong intact around the village. I didn’t need to twist anyone’s arm when I asked to be taken to one of these sites the next morning. Mutang was very much eager to show me around, proud and very passionate of sharing the story of his people.

Rural golfing anyone?

My late night conversation with Mutang also led me to the discovery of a 9-hole natural golf course right there in rural Ba’kelalan. I challenge those golf enthusiasts to have a go at Ba’kelalan’s Highland golf course as it is made even more challenging with natural hazards such as rivers, paddy fields and jungles. Don’t expect a club house or buggies to be made available here, but you will find yourself loyal spectators in the form of buffaloes. Yes, buffaloes but fret not, these buffaloes will be herded away from the course if there are any players on the green. Granted, buffalo dungs will be scattered here and there and if your ball goes into the dung, the good thing is that you get to take a free lift! A plus point of playing on this natural gold course is that you will be able to take in the beautiful scenery of Ba’kelalan as you play. If you are interested and up for the challenge, a two weeks notice is needed by BJS in order for them to prepare the green and fairway.

Where rainbows end

No one is a stranger here in Ba’kelalan. I was constantly greeted and smiled at and not forgetting the centre of constant friendly bantering and teasing from Kading and Lisa, two locals who made sure that I had a comfortable stay there at the Apple Lodge. Ba’kelalan may not be able to offer a luxurious five star retreat, but what it does offer is a simple lodging with basic amenities.

I have always wondered where rainbows end, what amazing things can be found at the end of such beauty. As I was flying out of Ba’kelalan towards Miri, gazing out the window, looking at the twin peaks of Mulu and wondering when will I ever come back to the warmth of Ba’kelalan, I saw a beautiful rainbow across the blue sky, I did not scramble to take out my trusted camera as I just wanted to take in all the beauty of Ba’kelalan one more time before I go home. As cliché as it may sound, I left my heart back in Ba’kelalan, bits and pieces of it with Mutang, Bulan, Kenny, Edwin, Sultan, Freddie and all the wonderful people.

A few days after, back in busy Kuala Lumpur, I thought of Ba’kelalan. I sent a text message to Freddie back in the village, telling him how much I miss the people that have now become my friends and family. His simple reply made me ache more to go back. He simply said “come home”. I found where my rainbow ends, and it’s in the land of warmth and sunshine – the land of Ba’kelalan.

GETTING THERE:

Maswings flies to Ba’kelalan four (4) times a week.

Monday – Lawas

Wednesday – Miri

Thursday – Lawas

Saturday – Lawas

In support of the Apple Fiesta, MASwings increased their direct flights from Miri from once a week every Wednesday to three times a day, four days a week.

USEFUL WEBSITES/CONTACTS:

1. http://www.borneojunglesafari.com/

A Reason, a Season & a Lifetime

2010-06-23T16:19:00.002+08:00

I’m due to fly to Medan again tomorrow. Luckily it’s only an hour’s flight away. I don’t think I am able to stomach anymore airline food. I’ve filled up my quota of intakes on airline food this month.

A dear friend jumped like she was on fire when I told her I was leaving tomorrow. She must’ve jumped to the conclusion that I was running away of a broken heart judging from her rapid-fire series of outburst as to why I shouldn’t run away, and how that time will heal all pain and the default statement designed for heartbreaks that I will eventually meet someone new. I found that amusing and endearing at the same time. That she could care that much. But no, I am not running away of a heartbreak or heartache, least of all to Medan. If I were to run away, it would be to some exotic destination, say maybe somewhere like Mauritius or Mabul Island, where my fruit punch will come in glasses with miniature umbrellas on them.

This is my closure, I’m penning down the final words of this chapter in my book of life. Then I’m putting away this chapter under the bed for it to gather dust for hundreds of years to come until some archaeologist will dig up the site and find the book containing this chapter. They can then study what people from hundreds of years ago did when dealing with a broke heart ;)

The Syed;

What he did was wrong; the dishonesty on his part, but I have always believed that everyone has a reason for doing what they did. Whatever his reason is, I don’t want to know though. I however, do believe that he was there for a reason.

I’m actually happy that the Syed was a part of my life. He was there to listen when I needed him to. He was the one I turned to, the one I shared many laughs with and of course bitter arguments. He made the days a little bit interesting, a little bit fun. For all that, I was always and forever be grateful to him.

So here’s to you The Syed. I believe you came into my life for a reason and only for a season. Whatever the reason may be, I thank you. I’m not that sad anymore.

A Reason, A Season and A Lifetime

People always come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

....

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty,
or to provide you with guidance and support,
to aid you physically, emotionally, or even spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend to you, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
...

Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
...
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they just walk away.
Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.
...

When people come into your life for a SEASON,
it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.
They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
And like Spring turns to Summer and Summer to Fall,
the season eventually ends.

...

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway);
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas in your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being part of my life.
.........
Now, I need to pack. Will be experimenting with my DSLR the next four days and take some shots with nice bokeh. Off to Medan.

Turn around

2010-06-20T02:21:00.001+08:00

Now that the crying and feeling sorry for myself part is over and done with, I am now angry and I want to kick The Syed for doing this to me. Angry. Extremely angry.

I cried.

2010-06-19T20:06:00.001+08:00

I still remember.

6 years ago, you left a note on the windshield of my car.

“Sometimes, the best things in life cannot be seen or heard but are felt in the heart”

You signed it with your name, The Syed, and a number for me to call you back. The rest they say is history.

This morning, however, I cried.

I cried.

I cried not because I found your wedding invitation addressed to me in my mailbox the morning after your wedding, and I had no idea that you even had a fiancée, or that you were getting married.

I cried not because when you called to say you were supposedly touring Europe, you were in fact busy getting married.

I cried not because you are now someone else’s, and you will never be mine. I let go of that dream and hope a very long time ago. During one rainy afternoon when I asked where are we headed and you truthfully said that we are not meant to be. I accepted that. We became friends.

I cried not because during those last movie dates together and I mentioned who would I be watching movies with if you decide to get married in the near future, you didn’t say anything, and I thought I’d still have you for a few more moons.

I cried not because of the countless of weekends spent together, countless late night conversations, countless dinners after work, countless supper and countless journeys together discovering new places to eat, and I wouldn’t be able to do that with you anymore.

I cried not because while you were supposedly touring Europe, I was patiently waiting for you to come back. I was missing you.

I cried.

I cried because when I texted a congratulatory message to you, and my hands were shaking and the tears threatened to fall, you said we can still go out for movies together. That’s not me. I wouldn’t do that.

I cried because though you had a moment to spare to come over to my house to drop the card in my mailbox, you couldn’t spare a moment to call or see me and tell me that you are getting married.

I cried because after 6 years of friendship, I was still not a friend to you. A friend would know when a friend is getting married.

But mostly,

I cried because you didn’t give me a chance to say goodbye to you. To us. To our twisted friendship together. I cried because I just lost my best friend.

Only to realize that I wasn’t yours.

I’d better be getting home now. I’ve been here all day. Thinking, then crying.

The barista here in Coffee Bean Mont Kiara is going to start thinking that I’m homeless. The shredded wedding card is still on the table.

For a Moment

2010-06-18T16:59:00.003+08:00

I get to spend this weekend at home, the first in a long time. I have books that I bought at Chowrasta Market in Penang that I haven’t had the chance to read, a few DVD’s that I’ve bought and stored somewhere, hoping that I might find the time to watch them while snuggled under the duvet with the lights dimmed low.

I haven’t walked around Lake Gardens or Kiara Park in the evenings in ages. Maybe I would drop by the Kuala Lumpur library tomorrow, to sit and write at my favourite spot overlooking Dataran Merdeka where the flags will gently sway against the breeze. I haven't cooked in a very long time. I think I might have forgotten how to. I've been missing my gamelan classes as well cause it's on a Sunday and I haven't been spending a lot of Sundays in KL the past few weeks.

I’m looking forward to the weekend.

So I’m hoping that where ever you may be, you will enjoy your weekend as much as I will be enjoying mine.

Lots of love,

Cinta

As I See It

2010-06-17T18:31:00.001+08:00

Voila! I unveil to you http://single-in-kl-travels.blogspot.com/

It's actually still a work in progress as I try to balance my chaotic and disorganized life. An extension of what and who I am here, I needed a different space to record the places I see and people I've met , from my perspective, my words and through my lenses.

The first few entries are a mess, truth be told but I just needed to get a few posted up to get things going, or it will never go anywhere :)

Eye-Candy

2010-06-15T10:34:00.000+08:00

The-Mad Hatter Cinta

2010-06-14T18:01:00.003+08:00

"But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked.

"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."

The Cheshire cat, Alice in Wonderland.

I’ve caught myself being judgmental over another person one too many times. A simple glance, an odd phrase, an out of place character, an odd-sounding sneeze and Mr. Hyde will take form and start to preside over my thoughts. Dark, smoky and venomous thoughts cloud around my judgment.

However, the Mr. Hyde side of me has been undergoing intensive therapy for the past two years. Countless hours have been invested, trying to eliminate Mr. Hyde, training to think positive thoughts. Bucketful of negative vibes have also been hurled out the window, sending it fluttering away against the wind to a land far far away undiscoverable by humans, unknown and unheard of.

A conversation with a friend however had me pausing and reflecting in the midst of busy mid-week rush hour traffic. I distinctly remember arguing and trying to weasel my way out of another attempt at matchmaking. Only this time, no aunts or makciks are involved. Only a few friends, who will be getting a cut of commission from the dowry money if things decide to work out well and on that note, I need an escape plan if things do work out unexpectedly well. I made that offer a very long time ago, when I was much younger, none the wiser and most probably high on the sugar rush from unlimited amounts of ice lemon tea on a night out with the ladies and marriage was a coveted fairytales-do-come true occasion amongst us singles. Well now that I’m way PAST that phase...

So as I sat there, listening to why I should do it and laying down pathetic reasons why I should not, among them being; what if he likes to eat fried chicken legs with mayonnaise? Or he likes to wear selipar jepun on a weekend to The Curve? He listens to Backstreet Boys and memorizes every one of their songs or maybe he has manicured and pedicured nails, and prefers to eat his barbecued chicken wings with a fork and knife instead of doing the manly thing and use his fingers? Maybe he likes to name drop and brags about the time he played golf with some royalty or maybe just maybe, he likes to read Ahadiat Akashah and Judith McNaught romance novels?

I stopped mid way when it suddenly dawned on me, there I was, being judgmental when I have yet to even lock eyes with the person, when it actual truth, I am the one with the weird quirks and idiosyncrasies.

I have a record of scaring away dates with preaches on the sanctity of marriage and how utterly important it was for a spouse to be loyal, on a FIRST date. For crying out loud, who does that on a first date?!!

I have also had the gut-foolish (I just invented that word) to give out fashion and hair advice which I am positively certain it came out sounding rather condescending, which wasn’t my intention in the first place. I am rude as I pick up calls in the middle of dinner, I like to play with my straw, and I sometimes forget my manners when I place my elbows on the table. I am foolish enough to do that on dates.Any takers? To compensate for my lack of social grace, I believe I cook a mean asam pedas. Nobody will ever be hungry when I’m around. My friends can vouch for that.

The thing is this, it got me thinking, I’m not even sure if I got my point across; I cannot judge a person to a set of beliefs or try to conform them to a mould which I believe is politically or socially correct or incorrect, whichever way it is. Sometimes, I don’t even know right from wrong, what is accepted and what is not. Most of the times, I’m just being myself. I listen to Craig David and I think he’s hot, I love watching sappy romantic movies and even have The Holiday stored in my iPod, some people can’t handle that. Too much romance they say. I like to bite my lips and stare off into space when I’m thinking, and I can’t get my act together-don’t know what to order in posh restaurants. Apart from that, I love my pink selipar jepun and I think they’re funky and I like flopping them around One Utama and The Curve every weekend. Oh, watch out for my hand gestures when I talk, cause I do a lot of that as well, to the point of overdoing it. Hope my friends aren’t embarrassed by that, as I have been prone to hit a few innocent passersby with those extreme acts of self expression.

So, I was thinking, if I promise to accept you as you are, will you accept me as I am, weird and clueless at times? Life would be dull without us filling it with odd and uncanny quirks and idiosyncrasies. I say, bring on the friend chicken legs and the Backstreet singing boys and the well manicured nails, we're all mad here. ;-) So says the grinning cat.

A bundle of joy.

2010-05-17T16:57:00.001+08:00

I was actually surprised when my twitter alerted me of your presence, cause I have always had this image that you hated my guts. But, welcome…you are always welcomed into this crazy world of mine.

So I heard of the arrival of your bundle of joy. Initials HR. It’s a beautiful name. I couldn’t be happier for you and your lovely wife. No, I haven’t seen her pictures but I’m positive that little Ms. HR is as beautiful as her mother.

So you’re a father now? Wow…a huge responsibility that is, but I have faith that little HR will grow up beautifully because she has beautiful and loving parents, who will guide her and teach her from right to wrong.

Congratulations once again. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your beautiful family.

The heart of the matter

2010-05-17T16:29:00.001+08:00

What is the English equivalent to the word “terpanggil”? Called? I have been called to write an entry on…that sounds so jarring. Like something is missing.

In midst's of late night phone conversations and endless text messaging with friends, one conversation stood out among the rest. She asked me quite simply, how would you know that he is The One?

That got me dumbfounded for a moment. To say honestly, yes I have this imaginary long check list of criteria’s that would indicate that he is The One. Good and stable job, so that my future children wouldn’t be heartbroken if we couldn’t afford to take them out to McDonalds, good looking, to ensure that our future children would come out looking like Shiloh, but that I know is a bit too far fetched. Other criteria’s would also include a house in Kenny Hills or maybe Desa Park City, and a stash of savings under his name with at the very least would be six digits. But that is the materialistic side of me talking, the vain part where I want to be one of KL’s socialite. Earth to Cinta. This is me being real, and honest.

I have done my fair share of the dating scene in KL. I have had really nice dates, RM200 lobsters for dinner, a drive around town, just using that quiet us moments to get to know each other better, and I have also experienced disastrous ones like what I’ve written in previous posts, and even ones that have lead to something even more profound and meaningful, these dates turning out to be among my closest confidants, like the Pak Arab Celup.

I have also been in relationships when it was just so tiring to be in one. I lost who I am, or was, just to ensure that he would be happy with me, moulding me to his definition of perfection. It’s suffocation to be on my toes all the time, afraid that I’ll be skating on thin ice. even the simplest task of sending a text message would be daunting, afraid that my sentences are grammatically incorrect or for forgetting the proper use of capitalization and what not. I’ve been there, done that.

Then,as I was talking this friend it suddenly occurred to me that, when push comes to shove, at the end of the day, the core of the isssue, the essence of it is what matters most to me is that the person would know how to make me smile and laugh after going through a bad day. He would just listen, even though I don’t even say a single word. Not saying a single word and yet he would understand as if I have spoken entire volumes to him.

He doesn’t push or prod, but just patiently sits there, and makes me laugh because seeing me smile and laugh is all that matters to him.

I could be wrong, but that’s how I see it and that’s how I feel about it, from a Single-in-KL’s point of view.

No, I still haven’t found him. But I’m hopeful.

p/s: It might be because I’m in so much pain right now, therefore my entry tends to be a lil bit melodramatic. But then again, when haven’t I been that?

Run Wild With Me

2010-05-11T17:09:00.000+08:00

“Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run free till they find someone just as wild to run with them.”

Today, we smile

2010-05-11T11:58:00.001+08:00

Don’t tell anybody that I’m spending a quiet hour here in a secluded corner of Coffee Bean in MidValley, instead of being in the office. I have a few hours to spare after my appointment and before I am expected to be back at the office, and thought I might as well drop by and try to finish an article. I work better in a less formal environment. Excuses excuses.

You know how sometimes that in books, in Hallmark cards and philosophers or anybody with a cheerful disposition will keep on telling us that the best things in life are free, but only if we are willing to look hard enough.

I found my reason to smile this morning, not that I was not smiling before but I’m giving it some extra watts today, lighting it up a bit more.

As I was typing away, eyes wondering and roaming around at the same time, I noticed a young couple sitting outside, a Malay girl and a Chinese guy enjoying their morning coffee and perhaps playing rookie as well just as yours truly is.

It was nice watching them together, holding hands under the table, and laughing, with each other. It’s a great way to start a day. To be with the one that makes you smile and laugh.

If I look around me, there are so many reasons and so many small little things that can turn a gray sky to blue, if I can stop being cynical and judgemental and just enjoy things that makes other happy, I have realized that it doesn’t take much to get that warm glowing and tingling feeling inside.

It’s those small and simple things like today, a morning cup of coffee, freshly baked bagel with cream cheese, a glass of hot chocolate with tiny marsh mellows floating in it, and Michael Buble playing in the background.

Let go, breathe and smile.

If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile...

What are you doing?

2010-04-25T00:45:00.000+08:00

Tweet with me. I'm curious to know the little details that makes you, you.

Tweeting

2010-04-24T00:38:00.001+08:00

I haven’t been able to update as frequently as I used to. The new job is kind of overwhelming at times, and exciting and sometimes just plain boring that I have to admit I’ve been guilty of nodding off at the work station one too many time.

I’m on a learning curve and trying to get back into the swing of things. Somehow, I think I’ve heard that line somewhere ;-)

Can’t actually believe that we’ll be entering May in just a few days. Before you know it, it’ll be the month of Ramadan soon, and the frenzy of year ends will creep upon us once again. How has your 2010 been? I hope it’s been good.

This post is to remind myself that I used to enjoy writing here so much. I need to write more.

In the meantime, the tweets are tweeting.

Before I Go

2010-02-12T17:51:00.001+08:00

I know that somewhere, there are people who connected to me by blood that I do not know of, and they are unaware of my existence.

Before I go off for the long weekend break...

I know that somewhere there are people who could be my cousins, uncles, aunts and maybe nephews and nieces.

I have always wondered, and have always thought of them.

Because you see my late grandmother is Chinese, given to a Malay family.

I know that somewhere they might be busy preparing for the coming Chinese New Year celebrations. Somehow, somewhere.

Gong Xi Fa Cai

Have a properous and a tiger roaring year ahead.

I'm so excited, and I just can't help it!

2010-02-12T11:37:00.002+08:00

I'm excited about this one particular assigment. Excited to the point that I feel like bouncing all over the place. Toing, toing, toing, toing. Err, that's the sound of me bouncing, just in case you were wondering.

A collegue is in the midst of compiling a list of tourism products that needs to be updated and sent me this email;

I’m in the midst of coming up with our product update list for 2010, to do our articles, especially Media Feature. Kindly submit your list of destinations/tourism products that you wish to cover this year to me ASAP!

If possible, be specific. Think about the angle of the story that you’re going to write. Another article on how beautiful Pulau Redang is, for instance, is seriously boring. Be more creative. So, don’t merely give me a topic like ‘Pulau Redang’. Please elaborate. It can be the luxury resorts in Redang, budget hotels in Redang, life of fishermen in Redang, etc.

And most importantly, make sure it’s something that you’re really passionate about…meaning, you’ll come back and WRITE & SUBMIT your article within ONE MONTH (hopefully!).

I was thinking that maybe some of you might have any ideas? Perhaps a personal favourite place or activity that you feel should be highlighted? Personally, I was thinking of researching a luxury package for honeymooners in Malaysia catering to the foreign market. Yea, well you know how I am, sentimental romantic fool and all ;)

But the thought of writing about the everyday lives of our local people is extremely appealing. I just need to identify an angle that is different from the rest. Random thoughts that are crossing my mind right now are doing a piece of Johor's cuisine/dishes or maybe I'll try to be more specific and highlight food from suku kaum i.e Banjar, jawa etc. Or maybe a piece on Johor's arts and culture like Zapin and Kuda Kepang.

I'm scratching my head here.

So, bombard me with suggestions and ideas.

We Match You Know

2010-02-08T17:17:00.004+08:00

Some find the matter of match-making oh-so-sweet. Well, it would be sweet if it worked out in the end.If it doesn't work out, there is always the possibility of jumping off the highest cliff and never too resurface. Me? I have never been a fan of matchmaking, I would rather sign up with a personal dating site rather than go through match making. Matchmaking involves a third party, somebody you know, somebody you like having in your life, until everything goes wrong during the event of the said match-making process.

I have had met various types of people in this match-making industry. Yes, I think it is an industry with the amount of time, energy and resources it involves, especially all the aunties and the makciks that has been the biggest contributer. I have had a guy who wanted to ask for RM20K from me as a loan to start up his business and I have been introduced to a duda only to have found out he actually has three wives.

I have been on both ends of a match making attempt gone wrong. I have been one to reject as well as one to get rejected by. It's awkward, it's embarassing and it puts frendships and relationships at risk. And by risk I mean between the matchmaker and the match-makee (don't quote me, I just came up with that word). I'm positively certain that we have all, at one point or another, been turned into an experiment of this match-making business.

I have recently been the subject or maybe object of another match making attempt by a friend. Her intentions are good, noble even, you know what they say, kalau jadi dapat pahala mendirikan masjid. Well, to cut a long story short, it didn't happen. Matches were not made...or lit. Matches were soaked with water, a big tub of water. A big, cold tub of water. There was no way that the match could be lit.

I only have one question. Why in the world would you want to introduce me to him when you are well aware of the fact that he is crazy in love with you, and by you, I mean the match-maker. This most recent attempt definately takes the cake. I have had the guy avoid me on YM, avoid me at the local mamak when he knew that I was there with our friends and avoids me like the plague. I had to actually sit him down and explain that no, I am not interested in you either, that no, you don't take my breath away, no you don't make my heart go into cardiac arrest and no, you are not the object of my deepest desires.

There are two ways of how I can see the situation. One, I could laugh it off, move on and maybe have a story to tell to my grandkids when I get old or two, I could kill myself out of embarassment or if you think that is too gory, I could just wish that the earth would swallow me up whole and I would dissapear and never to be heard off ever again. Well, I vote for the former.

I did what I had to do, I became the better person (ahaaaa), laid down all the cards, talked it over and moved on. No, I am not interested in you either so you can stop hiding from me. My life was fine even before you came along.

No more match-making attempts please. I would like to go on living each and every day with a bit of dignity intact :)

The Bill

2010-01-28T12:07:00.002+08:00

The Reader's Bill of Rights

The right to not read
The right to skip pages
The right to not finish
The right to re-read
The right to read anytime
The right to read anywhere
The right to escapism
The right to browse
The right to read out loud
The right to not defend your tastes

The last right is my favourite ;-)

From
Better Than Life
by Daniel Pennac

But None The Wiser

2010-01-26T18:32:00.000+08:00

I was supposed to turn 31 years wiser last 14th January. Supposed to being the operative word here. I’m still making the same silly, foolish mistakes when it comes to matters of the heart. The only difference is that I’m able to laugh about it rather than cry about it. Well, I did turn 31. I can’t stop the tick-ticking of the clock but as for turning wiser...it is still a work in progress. I'm guessing that it will be an on-going work in progress.

Turning 31 was done on a small scale this year, dinner at my favourite restaurant, Sahara Tent in Bukit Bintang with girlfriends who has been with me since I was still a penniless college student surviving on Maggi and nasi lemak bungkus shared between us and credit on the handphone was almost always RM0.00 hehe. Late nights were for sharing secrets and watching movies on the PC, not for studying.

That was 10 years ago.

Sandwiched in between those years shared between those friends that I love were weddings, births, heartaches, terminal illnesses, new jobs, divorces, weight gain and weight loss, but not so much of weight loss though, the gaining part seems to be more dominant, mortgage, loans, travels, the first car, more bills, court cases, old friendships gone sour, new friendships blossoming, the loss of loved ones and the search for identity and to be an individual.

I still can’t believe that 10 years flew by so quickly.

I am contented. Contented and blessed to have gone through the past 10 years. The good or the bad, the happy or sad, it has made me into the person that I am today.

I still have a many more milestone to go and achieve, so many more dreams to catch, trails of laughter and happy moments to create, and I know, inevitably, a few drops of tears to shed.

I’m very optimistic. Being optimistic attracts good vibes. They say that when you have been down so low, there is nowhere to go but up. So this is me going up. Higher and higher, eagerly wanting to see the view from the top, surrounded by the people that I love.

It’s going to be a great year. For you and for me and we’ll do good to the world, and to humankind.

I just wanted to share with you that I turned 31 last 14th of January ;-)

Adukataruna Naruto Shippuuden Doraemon

2010-01-25T13:03:00.001+08:00

Ok I was busy typing away now that I my name card states that I am a writer. I am a writer therefore I write and type. I type and type and type till I can’t type no more. I’m typing this while listening to Sex and the City on my iPod and researching for materials for my next article over the internet. Talk about multi tasking or maybe not so much of multi tasking, just distracted at the moment.

What made me what to write today is adukataruna.

It is of my personal opinion that this Adukataruna Naruto Shippuuden Doraemon is a man of a miserable life with miserable friends with nothing but hate in his heart. He must have been a bully in school, making everyone’s life miserable.

He should be introduced to Mawi’s sister in law. Both of them are scums. No, they’re worse than scum. They’re the fungus that feeds upon the scum. Fungus that feeds upon the scum at the very bottom of the nastiest, dirtiest, foulest smelling sewage plant ever. Visualize that.

Freedom of speech is not something to be taken lightly or in Adukataruna Naruto Shippuuden Doraemon’s case, stupidly, idiotically and most importantly, inhumanly.

Regardless of who they may have been while they were living, the point is the person has passed away. Kau dah hilang akal or kepala otak letak kat lutut ke? No religion in the whole world or the universe including the galaxies has ever taught to taunt a person who has passed away. No, taunt is too nice of a word to describe what he did. Orang dah meninggal sedekahkan al-fatihah la bongok. Tu la sekolah agama tak nak pergi.

The picture so contradicts hid beliefs and perhaps principles.

I seriously hope that he will be charged.

Now he has tainted this blog with his hatred because I hate him.

Soon Coming

2009-12-28T16:48:00.000+08:00

This is my New Year Countdown.

Can’t actually believe there’s only three days left of 2009. New Year has always been a big deal to me. Some say that it’s just another day, another tomorrow. What’s with the big celebration? You live like you have today and get through another 365 days.But that's just it, on a personal level, it denotes a milestone of life. Another year. Yesterdays to learn from and tomorrows to look forward to.

I may not celebrate it on a grand scale, no fireworks, no parties, no jumping around screaming Happy New Year but I do try to welcome a new year on a more subtle gesture. Dinner with closest friends, road trips with my sisters and sometimes just a round of teh tarik at the nearest mamak.

New Years are always a big deal to me, it’s a reflection of what I have achieved, of what there is still to achieve, of what I have gained and of what I have lost.

This year, I’m counting down the New Year with a twist. Some sort of a compilation perhaps. If not for anything else, it is for me at least to remember and reflect of where I had been this 2009. You have to know where you’ve been, to know where you’re going.

A little reminder for me, of the naked truth, the good and promises of The Future.

Now, let’s just hope that I can actually stick to the promised three day writing.

Be Still

2009-12-27T23:26:00.003+08:00

I didn’t mean to feel this way for you and I don’t quite understand why I’m feeling it and you have to trust me, I don’t want to feel this way, particularly for someone like you, who I know I can’t have. Definitely can’t have.

But the heart just won’t listen. Do you know that I catch my breath at the very sight of you? Even now, when I am at home, the thought of you makes my heart beat a little faster and I tend to forget to breathe, for a moment or two.

My friends say that this too shall pass, that what I feel for you would slowly diminish, and be forgotten and perhaps I would laugh myself silly, one day in the future, remembering how I felt for you. I’m slowly counting the days, when my heart someday, might stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever I see you.

I’m hoping that the moment will come soon not because I don’t like you, but because I like you too much. Too much that it hurts..

Would it be too much if I say that I want you. Yes, I want you.

And do you know what else, I realize that..and I don’t think that..

I can't live in a world where you don’t exist. Yes, as corny as that may sound. -New Moon-

Perhaps

2009-12-22T23:32:00.001+08:00

He grasped my hand in a firm welcoming handshake. I stopped breathing. My heart was all over the place.

My days are never quite the same again.

No, I am not going to say that I finally found my purpose in living because I have always known as to why I was breathing.

But…

He will perhaps make my days a little bit interesting.

He will perhaps make my heart go into cardiac arrest at every sight of him.

Whatever the perhaps will be…I look forward to each and every perhaps.

Hello?

2009-12-14T23:34:00.001+08:00

A rainy Monday evening after work, over a hot chocolate drink at the Old Town Kopitiam in One Utama with a friend whom I haven't seen in quite a while, debating on why I should join the elite (?) club of Blackberry users when I suddenly realized that he was without a cell phone. I asked him where his phone was since he had to call me from a public phone, and I haven't had anyone calling me from a public phone since like forever. He said he lost it and made a comment that life is less stressful when it isn't easy to be reached which left me pondering... have we become easily assessable to the point that sometimes, without realizing, it's suffocating and taking a toll on our lives?

I sleep with my cell phone. I believe that most of us do. I don't turn it off unless the battery goes dead in the middle of the night (which is like never) . The first thing I reach for every morning is my cell phone and I check whether there are any text messages or missed calls. I bring it in with me to meetings, the cinema, and sometimes, though I hate to admit this, the bathroom, you know, just in case I wouldn’t miss that important phone call (iyolah tu). Slowly, without realizing it, I had let the phone take control of me.It had gotten to a point when one day, I felt like life would be so much better if I wasn't so easily accessible.

I have had colleagues calling me on my sick days and while I was on holidays. Wasn't the point of taking an MC and taking leave was so that you can stay home and not be bothered with work?

I screen my calls. Yes, guilty as charged.

A few people has also had the nerve to actually scream down the line demanding to know as to why I wasn't picking up their calls. Funny thing is, the last time I checked, I was the only one paying for my phone bill. You can ask, nicely, but don’t demand an answer from me because with you screaming your head off is an invitation for me to press the End button while rolling my eyes and vowing and making a mental note never to pick up when your number appears again.

But then again, I feel that life wouldn’t be complete without my cell phone with me at all times. I would feel so lost. Like Mary losing one of her lambs. *sigh*

Call me. On my cell. I’m available. 24/7. Unless I’m screening my calls.

Confession.

2009-11-23T23:40:00.001+08:00

I have a secret. I hate the fact that I can’t talk about it and that I have to keep it far far away hidden in the deep recesses of my mind, but I have to because I have a feeling that nobody would quite understand why I did what I did.

Now all I need is an eraser, or perhaps a delete button that could work in real life.

That would be so much easier now wouldn’t it.

Singing to a Different Tune

2009-11-19T20:31:00.001+08:00

I’ll be singing to the tunes of Malaysia Truly Asia come this 7th of December 2009.

Yes! A new environment, a new place, new faces and… a new career.Terrified? That I am. Leaving the confines of my comfort zone in search of something that would make all the mornings more meaningful.

"The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become."

I am leaving behind a sense of security, a worry free life of knowing that I won’t be losing my job, and if I did fumble and tumble, it would be like moving a mountain to remove me from the system. I am leaving all that. Pension, golden handshakes and the likes of it. Scary..yes. To me at least. It is something like wanting out of a perfect marriage to be with somebody to which my future with him is uncertain.

The decision did not come without its fair share of endless tossing and turning at night, long phone calls and streams of text messages were exchanged with a lot of people. Some were supportive, some skeptical. I understand their concern, and I appreciate them all the more for it.

A lot of people said a lot of things but most of them were excited for me on this new journey that I’m about to take. But the most significant advice was a simple text from somebody I’ve known for years but have never met. It said;

Each person’s life is lead differently, so you have to decide based on how yours is going or the direction its heading.

I know that I want my life to be heading in a different direction as to where it is right now. I’m leaping, and I hope that I’ll land somewhere solid because I know, if I don’t take that leap, I’ll always be wondering about the what if’s. And I don’t want to wander, I want to find out.

But I have faith. Faith that this would all lead to something bigger and better.

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase. – Martin Luther King

Here’s to a wonderful beginning of this new chapter in my life.

A case of a Sore Bum

2009-11-05T20:37:00.001+08:00

It started off with a mild fever on Friday which escalated to severe and excruciating menstrual cramps which left me sleepless for 4 nights in a row and ended with a discovery of an 11cm fibroid in my uterus.

The first gynae that I went to had the tactical diplomacy of a communist when delivering my diagnosis.

Doctor:	You have fibroid. It’s big. It’s covering your whole uterus.
Cinta:	Ok..so what should I do?
Doctor:	I recommend surgery. You have two options miss. One is we only take out the fibroid but there is always the possibility that it will come back again. The second option which I strongly recommend is we take out your uterus along with the fibroid. Then be rest assured that the fibroids won’t be coming back. But you can never have kids.
Cinta:	My uterus? But I’m not married yet.
Doctor:	Yes but it’s the only way to make sure that the fibroid won’t come back.

I swear I must’ve stopped breathing and the whole world just went blank all of a sudden. After telling him that I need to discuss it with my family and paying RM160 just to hear him deliver the bad news not so tactfully, I went into my car, called a friend and bawled my eyes out! I was scared. I was terrified. I didn’t even know what a fibroid is. So there I was, by the side of the road, bawling and wailing my eyeballs out. Sangat drama swasta I tell you.

This is the part where I ask you “Are you covered by insurance?” because seriously thank god I am. At least, for now, the financial part of this whole drama will not be an issue.

After the whole drama by the side of the road died down, I sought to seek a second opinion. Dr. Premithra from Pantai Medical. Dr. Premithra made much more sense. She patiently took the time to explain what was going on. She even sketched out the fibroid and what it was doing to my uterus. Because of the size of the fibroid, it has overlapped itself with my uterus and pushed my uterus lower. To be performing surgery now would mean that she would have to cut off part of my uterus but she does not want to do that seeing that I’m still single. I will be able to get pregnant when I marry but giving birth naturally would be a bit risky she said, seeing that my uterus would be weak. Caesarean it is then.

Surgery is unavoidable, but she’s going to try to shrink it first by injection to maybe 8cm and when it shrinks, I would be scheduled for surgery in 2 months. In the meantime, I would be experiencing all the symptoms of menopause, Hot flashes,night sweats, fatigue, dizziness etc.

A dose of injection which is costly. I have chemicals and drugs flowing inside me worth RM1300. Satu injection yang berharga RM1300.

As I’m typing this out, the left cheek of my bum is sore from the injection today. But you didn’t need to know that now did ya? :)

My point is this and it goes to all the beautiful ladies who reads this. When your body is showing signs that something is not right ie, irregular menses, severe menstrual cramps, anything which is out of the norm, don’t be me and overlook it and say that it’s probably just nothing. Get yourself a physical exam with a good doctor. Do your (BSE) Breast Self Examination once a month. It would cost you for being ignorant to what your body is trying to tell you. Eat right and don’t see the gynae that I first went to!

Lines to be Drawn

2009-10-28T14:30:00.001+08:00

It’s pouring heavily outside as I sit at my workstation and pretend to be working and writing something of utmost importance that would benefit the organization when in fact my mind is clearly thousands of miles away.

I like to listen to the sound of the pouring rain, accompanied by Johnny Tillotson’s Rhythm Of The Rain.

I keep visualizing knots and lines. How do we know where to draw the line when there’s a very fine line in knowing where do draw the line?

Do you get what I’m saying? Let’s just pretend that you do.

Can I share a story with you on this rainy Tuesday afternoon where the rain is pouring outside and you wish you could just jump silly and try to catch the rain? I wish I could.

There is a story that is going through my mind right now. A story where the husband brought his girlfriend into his marital home during a time when the wife was back in their hometown. It was also a story where the husband went away to UK for a month and took his girlfriend with him, leaving his wife and their 3 kids, the youngest one being only 6 months old, high in an apartment, where if you stand on the balcony of this said particular apartment, you can see the twin towers and a highway with a steady stream of cars inching along ever so slowly.

This story is laced with bitter anecdotes of the husband telling his wife that she hasn’t been a good mother to their children, that home for him became hell and that was the reason why he needed to seek solace in the arms and comforts of a girl he met in a karaoke lounge. There was a short chapter in the story where the husband had one of his friends to give the wife a call and tell her that he is acting upon instructions given by the husband which is to look for an apartment to be ready upon his return from the UK. He is moving out but he doesn’t want out, yet. Or perhaps he does?

I keep thinking of this story. I ask myself, where should the lines be drawn? You see, I might have differing views because I am simply looking at it from a single girl in KL’s point of view. My views are simple, hurt me and lose me. But that would not be practical now would it? Because obviously marriage needs a lot more work than that. A lot more sacrifice you say, bucket load of tears. Think of the children you say. I wouldn’t know..because I am not married some say therefore I can’t be objective about it.

But then again, I’m thinking that I don’t need to be married to know that I don’t deserve to be treated like scum, or worse like a fungus. The fungus the feeds upon the scum.

Then please, do pray tell, because I haven’t got a clue, if I was playing the wife in the story, where do I draw the line? Or maybe there is no line to be drawn? I should just embrace the bitterness and fight for what is mine to begin with?

Fight until all dignity and pride is drained out?

Soul Food

2009-10-26T10:29:00.001+08:00

I love Sunday mornings. They make me think of steaming hot mugs of coffee, with the sweet smell of roasted coffee beans waftng through the air, it also reminds me of rainy mornings, another reason to snuggle deeper in the duvet and just lie there listening to the tapping sounds of the rain on your roof.

I quite like driving into KL on an early Sunday morning. The roads would be clear and everything would just slow down.

I love Sunday morning breakfast. It’s the only day in the week when I don’t wolf down my meal hoping to beat the time. Sunday morning breakfast are meant to be savored and enjoyed.

This particular Sunday morning was spent in the company of a very dear friend and her daughter at The Apartment in KLCC. I’ve had not one but two disastrous experiences with the above mentioned restaurant. Previously, the food was bland, it was too fusion for my liking and the portions were small. The only thing that I liked about The Apartment was the decor. Urban style living with a touch of vintage. Thus that became the sole reason why a third trip was planned a few days in advance, we were both looking for a place with an ambience, plus I needed to arrange an event with them and I had to go discuss a few things.

I was browsing through the menu skeptically, biding my time, afraid of ordering knowing that I would probably hate it,with one of the chefs seated across from me. I think he knew what was going through my mind when he subtly mentioned that the menu has undergone a revamp with new items on the list.

I think my friend and I both looked so relieved that the chef chuckled and even suggested a few must try items.

I know what we ordered was definitely not breakfast food, but they didn’t have a breakfast menu. So we did the next best thing that we could do, have brunch. I think it was in fact just another excuse for us to gorge ourselves by saying we deserved it after a hard week at work. Cheh!

I remember ooh-ing and aahhh-ing over their Codfish with Aioli with a generous serving of mash potato and a single snow pea as the garnish. The fish was succulent, the skin crispy with subtle tastes of herbs. Trust me, it is very the sedap.

What I ordered was actually their Steak Sandwich. You can have the option of with or without melted cheddar cheese on top of the steak. I went without, but I think that the sandwich would have tasted better with the cheese. The Steak Sandwich comes with chips and 3 rings of onion rings and a layer of watercress in between the meat and the bread. The Steak Sandwich would leave you feeling full.

My dear friend codename Puan Sri had a serving of their Lambshank with potato wedges on the side. The meat was tender and juicy with a distinct flavor of rosemary.

Dessert was a recommendation from the chef. Eton Mess, a combination of meringue, strawberry, strawberry caulis and vanilla cream. The whole combination was served chilled, tower like with the stream of strawberry caulis running all over the meringue and cream, finished with sprinkles of strawberries on top. Sorry guys, no picture for this one. I was so absorbed in enjoying my dessert that I forgot to take pictures.

This time around, I’m singing nothing but praises for the food at The Apartment in KLCC. Definitely worth waking up on a lazy Sunday morning.

And so, I adore my Sunday breakfast retreats. It’s one of those moments when you get to take a break, sit down, savor the food and the most important element of all, share a few laughs with those that matter.

Am looking forward to my next Sunday breakfast.

p/s: Click on the pictures to enlarge

Wishin & Hopin

2009-10-23T11:27:00.001+08:00

Been playing the song in my head, repeatedly.

Here’s to every hope and every wish…Have a good weekend.

You are forever and always in my thought and in my prayers.

Dia Garang Sangat

2009-10-22T22:06:00.001+08:00

Abah saya adalah seorang yang sangat garang. Tahap kegarangan dia kadangkala tidak tercapai dek akal. Dia sangat garang. Tapi dengan kawan kawan dia boleh bergelak ketawa, bergurau senda.

Abah garang sangat. Dulu jarang berbual dengan abah. Bukan jarang, tapi tak pernah. Masa sekolah dulu, kalau hari sekolah, abah tak bagi keluar dari pagar rumah. Kawan kawan kalau datang rumah tak boleh naik atas masuk bilik. Betis kalau tak berbirat tak sah, tiap tiap minggu mesti ada je sebab kena rotan dengan abah. Abah dulu lagi percaya cakap orang dari cakap anak dia sendiri. Pernah sekali kena rotan and pukul dengan abah sebab ada seorang makcik ni mengadu kat abah saya jumpa budak lelaki belakang kedai. Sumpah lillah abah, malam tu memang saya tak keluar mana mana pun. Sedih sangat masa tu.

Percaya tak kalau saya cakap saya pernah kena tumbuk dengan abah sebab mengaji alif ba ta tak pandai pandai masa dia mengajar. Abah patience level dia mengajar anak anak sangat rendah, so lepas dari itu, abah panggil ustaz datang rumah ajar mengaji.

Masa keputusan SPM keluar, rasa menggigil lutut nak beritahu abah yang saya dapat pangkat 2. Beritahu mak je, sebab nanti mak yang akan jadi the bearer of bad news to abah. Ingat lagi hari tu, hujan renyai renyai, senja, abah baru balik kerja. Dia masuk bilik terus mintak buku UPU. Dalam sepuluh minit lepas tu, dia masuk balik bilik saya and dengan garangnya campak buku UPU and marah marah sebab kalau nak ikutkan result, memang tak layak nak apply mana mana universiti pun.

But I got in. Abah lupa anak abah english berabuk. Masa tu la…rezeki, alhamdulillah.

Masuk universiti 5 tahun. Dari matrix sampai ke degree. Tapi kena mengaku, masa belajar saya main main. Sibuk bercinta, assignment selalu lambat siap. Tapi percaya tak kalau saya cakap English spoken and written saya lagi dasyat daripada those yang bergraduat dengat first class honours. Hari konvokesyen, abah datang. Tapi masa duduk, abah terbaca dalam buku program yang nama anak dia yang sorang ni dalam column third class honours. Tapi still honors ya…abah marah sangat. Marah and malu. Abah terus keluar dari Dewan and tak tengok pun anak dia yang sorang ni bergraduat. Kawan kawan lain sibuk pergi studio gambar dengan keluarga masing masing pakai jubah pegang scroll and backdrop dia mesti rak buku. Tapi saya tak, satu gambar studio pun tak ada. Yang ada gambar pakai jubah adalah dua tiga keping yang sempat ambik dengan kawan kawan.

Tapi…

Dalam garang garang abah…saya tahu abah sayang saya.

Masa kecik kecik dulu, sampailah ke sekolah menengah, kalau abah tahu saya demam, balik dari kerja abah mesti terus masuk bilik, rasa dahi and bawak pergi klinik.

Dulu masa darjah 2-3, saya suka tertidur depan tv. Tapi nanti abah yang akan angkat saya naik bilik masuk tidur. Mesti nak patah pinggang abah rasanya kan, ye la dah darjah 2-3, bukannya kecik lagi. Mak pernah cerita, masa saya baru baru masuk universiti, the first few nights abah mengigau, mengigau panggil mak saya suruh bukak pagar sebab saya balik.

Dulu masa sekolah, keluarga saya bukan dari keluarga yang senang. Walaupun abah seorang PTD masa tu. KFC cuma makan sebulan sekali, masa abah baru dapat gaji. Ingat lagi, baju baru dapat rasa setahun sekali je, masa Hari Raya. Abah dulu masa nak belikan baju raya, abah guna kredit kad. Baru beberapa hari lepas mak cerita, masa tu abah tak ada duit nak belanja, terpaksa guna kredit kad. Rasa sayu tiba tiba.

Masa saya dalam final semester and going through practical training, saya ada seorang lecturer yang sangat psycho. Dia tuduh saya tak bertanggungjawab sebab saya tak beritahu dia hari Isnin tu saya cuti. Saya bukan tak beritahu, saya dah call, dia tak angkat, saya tinggalkan voicemail tapi dia tak check. Masa tu mana ada handphone lagi. Saya kena berjalan pergi cari public phone. Lecturer tu maki hamun saya, cakap saya bloody idiot and stupid bitch, and she made my pratical training a living hell. Dia failkan saya, and I actually had to repeat a whole semester, sepatutnya lah. Tapi abah saya tolong saya, he taught me to fight my case. He made me go see the Vice Chancellor, he even wrote my case proposal for me. Abah even to the extent tolong call lecturer saya tu ajak jumpa and discuss. Baik kan abah saya. Bila fikir balik, kesian abah saya, mesti dia susah hati masa tu. Dalam marah marah abah sebab saya graduate dengan third class honors, tapi bila tahu first posting saya adalah di Hulu Yam, abah ambil cuti and hantar saya ke sana. Abah and emak yang sibuk carikan rumah sewa. Abah yang tolong cuci rumah. Tebas lalang keliling rumah. Abah belikan set bilik tidur lengkap untuk saya masa tu. Sampai sekarang saya guna lagi set tu. Sentimental values for me.

Abah bukan seorang yang ekspresif, seumur hidup saya, tak pernah dengar dia kata yang dia sayangkan saya. Tapi sekarang baru saya faham, sebab saya pun macam dia juga sampai ramai ex-boyfriend saya breakup dengan saya sebab diorang kata saya tak ekspresif. Saya memang tak akan say it verbally or in words, susah sangat, but I do show it through the things I do, macam abah saya. Dia akan buat apa saja untuk menggembirakan hati anak anak dia.

Itu abah saya, dia garang sangat. But I do know that he loves me in his own way yang susah sangat untuk difahami.

p/s; This post was inspired after watching the movie PAPADOM. I strongly recommend you go and watch.

Type, Backspace.

2009-10-21T00:25:00.001+08:00

Sometimes we all need a little push here and a shove there to get going again. Thank you for the gentle email prodding I received. I humbly thank you Tata of the Hills. I have to warn you though, I may be a tad bit rusty here and there, I need a few practice runs.

Would you believe me if I say I’m out of stories to tell?

I type out a few words, a few sentences then I hit the Backspace button. I stare off into space, type out a few words, a few sentences and hit the Backspace button yet again. I keep on repeating this a few more times. Type, backspace.Type, backspace. Then I stare at the curtains hanging in my room.

I suddenly remember that my passport needs to be renewed. Immigration was nice enough to mail me two reminders. Not that you needed to know all that.

I need to date again. Yes, a date. A girl, a boy and dinner. Haven’t been to one of those in quite some time. The last boy I went out with was Pak Syed and I don’t think Pak Syed accounts as a date.

Ohhh! I just remembered. I’ve been meaning to blog about this one particular issue for quite some time. But tonight is not the night because my lappy is about to die down on me and I’ve made myself too comfy on the bed to get up and get the charger. :))

Be seeing ya tomorrow with an update. Good night now. Mimpi yang indah indah.

Cobwebs and Such

2009-10-19T23:47:00.001+08:00

I have been blogging. Numerous stories.This blog of mine has been updated every hour on the hour. No cobwebs or musty smells of abandonment here.

What? You disagree? Seriously? You don’t see any updates? Look closer now.

Owh..come now. Really? No updates at all? Maybe if you tried changing the font color perhaps? Or maybe something is seriously wrong with your monitor? Because I HAVE been updating. Please stress on the word HAVE.

I have been updating…updating entries in my mind and in my head :)

No? You can’t read my mind? I see…

You’re not psychic too? I was hoping you were…

I have to get back to blogging in the real world then. Thoughts to keyboard to monitor. And there I was, wondering why I haven’t been receiving any comments lately.

Now let’s see…how do I do this again? Blogging I mean. :) Just type? I see…I see...Now I remember…

You hang in there ok? Trying to get reacquainted with this typing out my thoughts again.

Vote for Me

2009-10-05T11:47:00.001+08:00

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"
Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me CAPITALISM. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the GOVERNMENT. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the PEOPLE. The nanny, we'll consider her the WORKING CLASS. And your baby brother, we'll call him the FUTURE. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,"

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "Well, while CAPITALISM is screwing the WORKING CLASS, the GOVERNMENT is sound asleep, the PEOPLE are being ignored and the FUTURE is in deep poo."

Selamat Hari Raya

2009-09-17T06:06:00.001+08:00

Yes its that time of the year again...a time for forgiveness and for the past 7 years it has been the time of the year when my savings account dwindles faster than you can say " maaf zahir batin"due to my long list of little cousins waiting eagerly every raya morning for their " duit raya"*sigh* Each year, the list seems to only be getting longer. It only seemed like yesterday when I was on the receiving end :) which is much more fun.

At this age, I am no longer excited about the new baju kurung for raya or all the yummy raya spread (ketupat, rendang, lontong) Nowadays I hardly bother to buy anything new..mostly due to the time constraint and the thought of having to hustle in shopping complexes gives me nightmares. I used to have my mom to worry about all the buying etc...Now..I am just looking forward of going back to Johor to be with the whole crazy clan. Mi familia that is.. the sounds of the little ones yelling and screaming, running around the house on top of their lungs with their "sampin" halfway down to the knees and songkok tilted sideways with their kuih tat in one hand which on any other day would give me a massive headache but in the spirit of raya..I’ll let it slip :)

And of course, going back to Pontian for Hari Raya would not be complete with the subtle hints by relatives on either two things. Marriage and my weight. I pay tribute to distant relatives whom I only see once a year and each year without fail they would say " you have put on weight! diet la!" Ready, aim, shoot!

I still remember those days in school...waiting eagerly hoping that cute guy would send me a raya card :)And how can I ever forget that when you go for terawikh everynite..its mainly because you actually want to "main bunga api" with all ur friends in the compound of the mosque and its when the guys get to throw those mini firecrackers at you. I think it was one of those weird things guys do to show that they're interested in you :)

Now when my friends are spread all over the country, and I only hear from them occasionally but when a raya card creeps into the mailbox,I get all sentimental and mushy mushy inside because they still remember me.

However, this year will be the first Raya that we will not not be going back to Pontian. No more driving around with my father and sisters in Pontian trying to kill time before buka. No more trying to sneak out and driving off to JB just to run away from the endless chores of dishwashing and countless refills of the kuih raya and stirring kilo’s of sugar for drinks. We will be welcoming Syawal in KL this year. Grandmother is already here. It feels kind of weird though, this being not going back to Pontian for Hari Raya.

But wherever you will be celebrating your Hari Raya, Selamat Hari Raya dear friends..Maaf zahir batin..hope you'll have a good raya with your family. Drive safe you hear?

Selamat Hari Raya.

Que Sera Sera

2009-09-04T16:35:00.001+08:00

First and foremost, I am not Cik Normah. Tang mana did I hint that I am Cik Normah? Cik Normah is a columnist from Berita Harian. I don’t do write ups for Malaysian artists. Well, any artist for that matter. Unless it’s essentially necessary for me to do so. Having said that, let’s get back to life.

Where was I? Oh yes. The little girl that I met.

I came late for Terawikh a few nights ago. All huffy and puffy from the short brisk walk from home to the surau. So there I was, late and all, taking my place standing at the very last saf in the midst of all these much much younger girls with little strawberries and fruits and flowers sewn on their telekung. Mine definitely paled in comparison.

I sat next to a girl with the little strawberries. She has the prettiest round eyes with long curly lashes.

As we sat waiting for prayers to begin, I watched her watch me fidgeting around with my keys. I carry around a bunch of keys that would put a school janitor to shame. If there were keys for keys, I think I might have them.

The little girl with the strawberries looked up while at the same time I was thinking of having those little strawberries sewn to my telekung as well.

“Akak ada kereta?”

“Ada la..kenapa?”

“akak dah kerja?”

“dah…”

“Mesti best kan, dah besar, boleh ada kereta sendiri, dah kerja boleh beli macam macam. Tak sabar nak besar!” So the little girl with the strawberries determinedly said with a twinkle in her eyes.

I remember when I was about her age. Parading around the front porch in my mother’s working shoes and an imaginary handbag dangling from my left arm. I would criss-cross the graveled path in front of the house, pretending I was crossing the streets of KL. All grown up. All confident and all tres chic. Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough.

Now that I am here, all grown up, confidence level would vary depending on situations and not that very tres chic mind you, I looked at the girl with strawberries and tried to think of something inspiring to say and ended up saying something lame as “belajar la rajin rajin, nanti dapat kerja best boleh beli apa je” Having heard myself say that, I wish that the earth would swallow me up. How typical-orang dah besar-kind of response was that. When what I actually wanted to say was this;

Don’t be in a rush to grow up just yet because you have to start paying your own bills, the car doesn’t run on its own and owning one is more of a necessity and it starts to become a royal pain on your behind. The phone line doesn’t come for free and girlfriends wouldn’t be so easily accessible once we’ve all grown up. You actually need to make appointments 2 weeks in advance just to schedule a lunch date. You’d start to miss those days when your friends are just a yell away. You can always show up at their doorstep unannounced and be rest assured that your friend will be there. You also start to worry about gravity and it’s pull on your body down south.

Sometimes little girl, grown ups become so jaded with the small pleasures in life. Like splashing around in the rain, or dribbling hot chocolate down their chin, or finding that free gift from the cereal box. You don’t get to play galah panjang anymore, or baling selipar every evening at 6 with your friends. You don’t feel the same giddy happiness you felt when your neighbourhood bai roti came honking pass your house. Horses or rabbits don’t make us squeal in delight anymore. Grown ups worry too much. Grown ups are sometimes cranky, and have terrible mood swings like me. Heartbreaks will either break you, or make you stronger. But either way, heartbreaks break the heart.

So the girl with the strawberries, don’t grow up too fast.The future will be there waiting for you, come rain or shine. Enjoy running around and screaming at the top of your lungs just because you can and nobody would think that you’ve lost a marble because once you’ve grown, you can never go back. Don’t grow up too fast because I need to slow down and enjoy my life as well.

But it isn’t all that bad, when you’re a grown up, you get to drink endless cups of coffee every morning and have ice cream whenever you feel like it.

Life is good, let’s just slow it down a bit.

Dear Cik Normah

2009-09-02T23:17:00.001+08:00

I’m fine now. Emosi sudah kembali stabil. I reckon I was experiencing a bout of catatonic mood swing. Happens only to the best of us.

Original entry post mood swing is supposed to be about this little girl I met during Terawikh but I’ll get to that later. Promise promise.

Tonight, allow me to rant and rave. It’s part of the 12 step post mood swing recovery process.

Dear Kak Normah of Berita Harian,

I read your little piece today. Of Ain or is it Ekin getting married after Aidilfitri to a duda anak 3.

Kak Normah, correction.

The guy in the picture is no duda. He is very much still married. He has 3 beautiful children, 2 boys and a girl, and a very down-to-earth wife who is very loyal to him.

Ain is very much delusional. Or perhaps just desperate to be married to a rich man. Yes kak Normah, the man in the picture is extremely rich. Yet again, I would like to stress that he is STILL married. She’s about to break up a family.

No kak Normah. I’m not doing this out of spite or out of raving jealousy. It made me queasy reading how you wish them all the luck in the world because you see…take away his millions, I doubt he would be that much attractive in the eyes of what-ever-her-name-is. Serious.

I could actually care less of who the plastic look-a-alike wants to marry and spend her happily ever afters with. I just despise the fact that she’s splattering it all over the papers for all to see. Regardless of how his wife and kids might feel.

Just for fun, let’s imagine that Mawi is doing the exact same thing she’s doing.

Having ranted and raved, allow me to go back into a zen-like state of mind.

One Step Away

2009-08-28T07:19:00.001+08:00

Wish me luck!

Cause I’m Leaving

2009-08-24T10:21:00.001+08:00

It’s time to leave my job.

7 years of driving the same treacherous road halfway up to Genting through Hulu Yam. Everyday at 6.30 am.7 years of giving it all that I can give,my time,my resources, my soul included.

I have always thought of leaving, but I was still there, am still there or here or wherever that is. I’d always say to myself, just one more year, one more year. Sometimes, I’d say, let me finish off this year, it wouldn’t be fair to leave in the midst of everything. I should have left when the first thought of leaving crossed my mind.

There I was, facing my second in command of a boss, looking at my yearly performance review. I think I didn’t speak for a good 10 minutes. I just sat there, staring at the piece of paper that might have been more or less the one thing that stood in the way of me ever moving up the ladder. I just sat there, willing myself not to cry in front of the boss. No. No tears.

I looked up, smiled and asked for a justification.

Second in command fidgeted around. Trying to come up with some lame excuse. The best that he could do was say “I did give you very high marks, but when push comes to shove, it all boiled down to what the Big Boss wanted.” And since Big Boss moved on to bigger and better things last May, I very well did not feel like calling him and demanding an explanation from him as well.

It wasn’t that bad. I was still in the box were my marks are considered high. But it’s not enough. It doesn’t reflect what I have contributed to the organization.

I spent the next few days wallowing in self pity, telling myself that it isn’t fair and that I did not deserve it. But it’s tiresome to be surrounded by so much negativity. It takes a toll on you.

The thing is, I have always wanted to leave. It’s time now. It was getting pretty suffocating anyway.

I have a huge mole on the underside of my right foot. People old old say that when you have a mole the size of Mauritius, you will travel far and wide.

I’m eyeing one of the Director’s seat in the United Nations. Not so soon. I’d better learn me a thing a two. I’d give it another 5-6 years perhaps. The Universe must have been collaborating with me as well. An opening at the UNHCR Malaysia. Let me start there. Resume was sent. It was also sent to a few other places as well. But I’ve got my heart set with the United Nations. It would go well with what I’ve been doing with the AYC.

And, I was headhunted. A request for my resume to be sent to the Securities Commission to be a part of their PR team. I am thrilled and flabbergasted. The Securities Commission. But that’s not my calling. Even in the midst of all the uncertainties in life, on thing that I do know for sure is that I am not cut out for the corporate world. It’s not me.

I’m terrified actually. Moving on to something new. So..dalam bulan Ramadhan yang penuh barakah ini, don’t forget to include me in your prayers.

The best is yet to come…

Ramadhan

2009-08-23T02:35:00.001+08:00

Salam Ramadhan.

Another year has passed, another year to look forward to. A moment to reflect. Another moment to remember the people we love who are no longer with us and another moment to be with those around us. Another moment to be with the Almighty.

Alhamdulillah.

Have a blessed Ramadhan. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Drumming My Fingers

2009-08-20T23:54:00.001+08:00

There are a few things on my mind right now.

Of moles and the United Nations. Actually, no mole (s), just a mole.

But they don’t go together do they? The mole and the United Nations.

Been thinking about the moles and the United Nations since yesterday when I was in a meeting in Bukit Kiara, and this evening, when I was staring hard at the rows of cheese in ColdStorage. It crossed my mind again, while I was walking around Ikea, seeing nothing and buying nothing.

Oh! But wait a sec, I did buy something, the hotdog and soft drink combo. I had 3 refills. A thirsty horse I am.

The words seemed to flow much easier when I was blogging in my mind.

Here I sit staring. Wordless.

Give me a few hours. Remind me, of moles and United Nations. And the Tourism Board of Malaysia too. Oh, and the Securities Commission as well.

Just a few hours. Wake me up before you go-go

I think you’re sexy…

2009-08-14T18:00:00.005+08:00

No..tweeting is not for me. I’m not the creative one liner type. I seriously wish I am one though. I need lots and lots of lines to get my creative juices flowing. In other words, my life is not all that glamorous or exciting for me to twitter about.

Twitter; Cinta is thinking of walking to the nearest 7-Eleven and buying off their whole supply of Snickers cause it’s that time of the month, or;

Twitter; I’m getting into my car now and driving home to feed my cats.

No, that just wouldn’t do. I would hate to be the cause of death to those who actually follow me. Cause of death;extreme boredom tahap gaban. I think I’ll stick to blogging. Safer this way.

During my first year as an undergrad, I had to study Linguistics taught by a certain Dr. Wong. Very good lecturer.Petite with a soft voice. I still have nightmares about having to memorize this particular table which I can’t recall what it was all about. I hated it. I failed the paper. I had to sit for the paper again in my final year. The embarassment of having to be in class with the 1st year juniors. Sangat tak cool. I passed. Nyawa nyawa ikan. Cukup syarat untuk bergraduat sahaja.

Me, I’m the sociolinguistics gal. I adore my eccentric and quirky professor. She would come into class wearing one of those scarves with her jambul remos hanging out from her forehead. Her skirt would end a few inches above her ankle. Sama kes macam Dato Siti Nurhaliza, serupa tak payah pakai tudung. But I love her (my Prof of course), I have an A+ to prove that. The study of language in its social, cultural context is fascinating. A word might bring a totally different meaning or context to the opposite sex.

AIRFORCE.

In general, guys would be thinking fighter jets, complicated war strategies and honour.

Me? I’m thinking sexy men in their uniform.

I was at a Petronas service station earlier, idling away in the car, waiting for a colleague. I looked around, cuci mata. It was exactly the end of the Friday prayers.

There it was. The words RMAF. An RMAF truck parked a few cars away.

I didn’t see who was inside. I didn’t really care. Because you see, no matter how “pecah rumah” the men inside might look like, I would still think of them as these sexy creatures that roam the earth in their sexy uniform with the sexy pilot’s helmet and their sexy Ray-Ban...

Hot.

Just because the truck had the words RMAF stamped to its side. Grrrrr…..Gigit boleh?

I think I’ll go drive around the entrance to the RMAF base now. Perhaps catch me a pilot or two. Have a good weekend.

Gettin Jiggy with Tweety

2009-08-13T23:16:00.002+08:00

Okay… Everybody who’s anybody is twittering away. Except for yours truly. I don’t know how to twitter.

I’m curious, therefore I created an account. I know… I’m so the stone age girl. I am what you call a late bloomer.

Now…hmmm…what am I suppose to do with this again?

Twitt! Twitt!

I’m off exploring. I can do this…no??

Say Hi for Me?

2009-08-06T19:40:00.004+08:00

Traffic is bumper to bumper, your car is crawling ever so slowly along Jalan P. Ramlee, air conditioning at full blast, you channel surf the radio stations hoping to hear some decent songs to which you could sing along to but instead, you hear the endless chatter and ramblings of the announcers during rush hour. You look to your right, hoping perhaps to see a hot girl/guy. That would've killed some time. A wink here and there, glances between the changing lights that you never seem to be able to go through, but instead, what you see is a couple. Married. Married couples during rush hour would have this generic look, the wife would be sleeping, head tilted to the window, and husband would be staring off into space, wondering or perhaps reminiscing how his once hot wife isn't looking so hot anymore nowadays. Not that the husband is looking all that great either.

You try not to get irritated at the motorcyclists weaving in and out, you wish you could do the same. You look at the traffic light again, still red, you count to 10, and it's still red. And then you ask yourself "why do I have to drive during rush hour?" Your tummy starts to do the rumba and your throat suddenly feels parched.

Here is what I suggest you to do, but this only applies if you are driving along Jalan P. Ramlee heading towards Jalan Raja Chulan.

Turn left after the traffic light, The Weld will be on your left. Enter the parking lot, park your car, go inside and look for a place to eat. They have Bangkok Express, a little Arab restaurant, Dominoes, Mc Donalds, O'Brien's (I love their sandwiches), Delifrance and a few others to satisfy your taste palette.

Eat, drink and wait for the traffic to subside. Now, when you're about ready to brave the streets of KL again, on the 1^st floor of the Weld, near the escalator, stop at *NIGELLA GROCERS. Buy a pack of salad for tomorrow's lunch, or a bar of chocolate or a bottle of water. Buy anything.

If you see a woman in the shop, with 3 beautiful children running around her, pretty Arabella, cheeky Iskandar and cute little Arissa, stop and say hi and tell her that Cinta sends her regards.

A close friend of mine owns the place. Well, co-own actually and I call her Lyn. They opened yesterday. We go way back from our Uni days and I value her friendship ever more so after all these years.

So, if you are ever there at The Weld, stop by at NIGELLA GROCERS and tell her that I said hi.

*Nigella is the scientific name for Habbatus Sauda.

In Islam, it is regarded as one of the greatest forms of healing medicine available. Muhammad once stated that the black seed can heal every disease—except death—as recounted in the following hadith:

Narrated Khalid bin Sa'd:We went out and Ghalib bin Abjar was accompanying us. He fell ill on the way and when we arrived at Medina he was still sick. Ibn Abi 'Atiq came to visit him and said to us, "Treat him with black cumin. Take five or seven seeds and crush them (mix the powder with oil) and drop the resulting mixture into both nostrils, for 'Aisha has narrated to me that she heard the Prophet saying, 'This black cumin is healing for all diseases except As-Sam.' 'Aisha said, 'What is As-Sam?' He said, 'Death.' " (Bukhari)

Soul Food

2009-07-30T23:20:00.003+08:00

Close your eyes and just listen.

Sleepless in KL

2009-07-29T00:45:00.001+08:00

I've been tossing and turning till after3am every day for the past 2 weeks. Physically and mentally, I know for definite that I'm tired. No, exhausted would be more like it. I need to sleep. I have to wake up at 5am every morning for work. I know that. But I can't and I don't know why.

This sleepless state is not doing any favors on the appearance. I just looked in the mirror. Eyes bags, dark circles and I could pass for being a raccoon. Definitely a raccoon. Even raccoons look better than me. Raccoons are cute actually. Am not making any sense. I know. I've already said 'I know' twice. What do I know actually?

Mugs of hot Milo, cartons of HL milk, countless repeats of the Surah Yassin on the iPod, nothing works.

So, if you have anything better, hit me.

Sleepless in KL

Istanbul

2009-07-27T13:06:00.007+08:00

I was in the historical and colorful city of Istanbul last two months and I scribbled down something in between conferences and forums and somehow forgot to post them.

2 months ago

Movenpick Hotel, Istanbul

It's my last day here in Istanbul. I've taken to spraining my ankle whenever I travel. It first started off during the Redang trip, and then it was Bandung and that was the worst and now here, in Istanbul. But that's another story for another day.

It's cold outside. Windy and cold. My cheeks would feel like it's been stuffed with cotton balls whenever the cold air breezes past me. But I like the change in weather. It means I could let my hair down without worrying that in an hour, my head won't look like a giant frizz ball and the cold air gives my cheek that subtle hint of red, without having to wear any blusher. 13°c is definitely a welcome change to the hot and humid 31°c back in good'ol Kuala Lumpur.

I was welcomed to Istanbul with style. And by style, I mean a hair rising taxi ride with me clutching the headrest in front of me and praying silently whilst glancing at my travelling companion and wondering whether we would make it till the end of the ride. I had glimpses of homes built on hillsides and Turkish girls in colorful hijab walking together, giggling and clutching their overcoats tight around them. I had to keep up as the sights of Istanbul zoomed in a flurry past me. I wanted to laugh and throw up at the same time. The friendly cab driver kept insisting for my travel partner to smoke in the cab. A welcome gesture on his part. It was definitely a different kind of welcome. Different but hilarious.

My flight and the luxurious bed and room that I sleep in were paid for by the government of Turkey and Spain, hence it was only fair that I seriously get down to business and less of being a tourist. I had to force myself away from the inviting and alluring smell of Turkish food and its spices beckoning to me every time I pass by the sidewalk café's on my way to the meeting centre and since it was a working trip, there was not much of Istanbul that I manage to experience or capture on digital. Even my guided tour to Aya Sofia was rushed. Hundreds of year's worth of story and history cramped into 20 minutes. But I did steal a quiet moment away from the group to stand in a corner of the mosque/cathedral. I looked around me, at the walls, the ceiling and the floor. When was it like then? Who passed through these doors? What was the story? I imagined church boys in white robes standing by the side of the main door, and I subtly heard the muezzin's call to prayer and rows and rows of Turkish men in deep in prayer. If only the walls could speak.

Outside the Aya Sofia, I could see the Blue Mosque in the distance. Clear blue sky provided the perfect backdrop. It was exhilarating to be there. To be standing among the Turkish families frolicking around on the grass, sharing a picnic with the Aya Sofia and the Blue Mosque standing guards on each side. There was a food cart nearby, the wafting smell of grilled corn made me think of food.

Remember the movie, A Walk to Remember when Mandy Moore's one wish was to be in two places at one time? I guess I knew how it felt.

Dinner on a cruise on the Bosporus. I was in between continents. Asia and Europe. Culture, tradition and modernization meshed into one. Being in Istanbul is like being transported into a world of two dimensions. You have skyscrapers and ultra modern hotels, and yet you see subtle traces of history past.

I didn't want to go back with no memories of any adventures on my trip here so on the last day here, I played hookie during the last session. I had to. It was either that or the only things that I would remember would be the inside of the hotel room and the conference centre.

I ventured out alone in the city. I had my heart set on the Grand Bazaar and the Spice Bazaar. Armed with a few hundred liras, a digital camera, the hotel's business card and a map of the city, I thought I was all set. Apparently, I should've thought of it more thoroughly. Leaving behind a map of the city's underground railway system is definitely a result of the lack of thorough thinking on my part. I nearly didn't make it back to the hotel. I knew how to get from Levent 4 to Taksim but that was it. I had no idea how to find my way beyond that. The local Turks didn't speak English but they tried really hard to help me find my way. I even spoke in Malay, out of sheer frustration since they wouldn't even be able to understand me either way, pointing to the spot on where Taksim is located.

The wise Fergie once sang, big girls don't cry. So I didn't although I was actually terrified of the thought of getting lost. Instead, I strolled around the square in front of the Spice Bazaar looking for a bench to park myself and decided just to people watch until I figure out what to do. I know I could've easily flagged down a cab and showed them the hotel's card but I wanted something more. I wanted to stand among the locals, and listen to the sounds. But since it was getting dark, I flagged down that white cab with the blue stripes. J I'll just listen to the sounds of Istanbul's traffic.

You can't help but fall in love with Istanbul.

My flight will be in a few hours. My bags are packed. I'm sad to be leaving Istanbul but I'll be back insyallah.

Cinta, City of Istanbul.

The Fast & and the not so Furious

2009-07-22T00:01:00.004+08:00

Another name to scratch off the list which isn't that long to begin with..

Everything was going great. Been seeing a lot of the Pak Arab Celup in the past few weeks. Dinner dates, movie dates, weekend breakfast dates and even a road trip down south for a friend's wedding, and he was even relaxed enough to meet a few of my closest ladies. He's been getting rave reviews from them as well..everything was going well. Great in fact.

Until a couple of nights ago.

It started out really nice and cosy. He text'd and asked whether I was up for dinner, picked me up at home, it was raining as we were driving along. Had dinner, talked, joked around went to see a movie and then it happened.

On the drive back to send me home, right after the Bukit Lanjan Tol plaza. The Pak Arab Celup was driving really fast. Extremely fast. I had to close my eyes!

The only thing that was missing was maybe my heavy make up and the skimpy short skirt and top and it would have been like a scene out of Fast and Furious. I was too numb to say anything. It was like I had a brain freeze and the words just couldn't come out. I believe I was screaming my tonsils out inside of me.

Maybe I'm blowing the whole thing out of proportion but after my horrifying experience with the accident n Ulu Yam, I wasn't prepared. He knew what I went through, why la Pak Arab Celup?? You scared the creepers out of me.

Should

2009-07-21T23:34:00.001+08:00

To all the beautiful ladies in my life, friend or foe. A little something that I feel like sharing.

A woman should have…
one old love, she can imagine going back to...

and one who reminds her how far she has come...

A woman should have…
enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...

A woman should have…
something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A woman should have…
a youth she's content to leave behind...

A woman should have…
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age...

A woman should have…
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.

A woman should have…
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...

A woman should have…
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A woman should have…
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored..

A woman should have…
a feeling of control over her destiny...

Every woman should know
how to fall in love without losing herself...

Every woman should know

how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...

Every woman should know
when to try harder... and when to walk away...

Every woman should know
that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...

Every woman should know
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over...

Every woman should know
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

Every woman should know
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

Every woman should know
whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...

Every woman should know
where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table...

or a charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing...

Every woman should know
what she can and can't accomplish in a day...a month...and a year...

Question

2009-07-16T21:13:00.001+08:00

Tell me, honestly…

Are You Judgmental?

Hold Please

2009-07-13T15:47:00.003+08:00

Insane is being put on hold for 13 minutes.

Rude is when asked as to why I was being put on hold for 13 minutes, the answer that came was "apa masalah cik?"I asked very nicely because I believe that I am a nice person, and I'm very rational at all times. My masalah cik telefonis yang berkhemah is that I am extremely curiousas to what was going on at your end that it had to take 13 minutes for you to take my call.

No customary greetings of good morning or selamat pagi.

I don't demand on seeing the manager at restaurants when my meal is not cooked to perfection, or when a waiter/waitress spills drinks on my handbag, which really happened in Nasi Lemak Antarabangsa Taman Melati. I let it go when cashiers return my change a ringgit short. No, I try to be understanding enough. I try not to sweat the small stuff. I try.

I asked for her name. "Dengan siapa ya saya bercakap ni?" and then I heard a ringing tone. I was passed on to another person in another department. Just like that.

The only words that are racing through my head right now are profanities in which if I were to type them out, my blog would need a censor badge warning underage kids to stay away.

Tenaga Nasional Berhad (TNB), consider putting your phone operators or customer service executives or whatever it is that you call them these days under training. I could personally recommend a few good trainers.

I need my iPod. Scroll to Indie Arie.

Alice's Question

2009-07-11T08:55:00.003+08:00

Alice : Which road should I take?

Cheshire Cat: Where do you want to go?

Alice : Anywhere

Cheshire Cat: Then, it does not matter whichever road you take.

From Alice in Wonderland

Speechless in KL

2009-06-30T00:45:00.001+08:00

I ran into an old classmate today. We haven't spoken in over a decade. Frankly, I was astounded as to why she actually made the effort to come over and say hi when all this while; she has been avoiding me like the plague. Maybe her curiosity took the better of her; I was sitting with a guy having coffee. Good gossip material I guess.

Kisses on the cheek, small hug and polite pleasantries were exchanged. The standard "what have you been doing and what are up to" were in order. Being Malaysians, I guess one cannot help but to comment on the other's weight gain for lack of anything significant to say. The dreaded but inevitable statement of "Besarnya kau sekarang" was just waiting round the bend to make its appearance…and it did not fail. Having dispensed with scrutinizing my weight, she finally got down to business.

The M word. Marriage. When am I getting married.

Good question. Now if anybody else out there has any answer to that, do let me know because quite frankly, the question has kind of lost its charm. Especially coming from people whom I haven't spoken to in 10 years. No longer would I blush, shyly saying "bila ada jodoh nanti, insyallah saya kahwin". Tell me, how do you give reason or answer to something which is unpredictable? How can you foresee the future? Because seriously, if I have the slightest idea of when it is ever going to happen, trust me, you would've received invitations by now. And if I know when or who I'll be married to, I'd stop dating half of the male population in Kl. Why should I bother, since I already know when and to whom I'm getting married to.

I'm diverting from what I originally wanted to share with you. Focus.

Question was asked and I felt it was impolite too just stare at her while at the same time wishing that wind would just blow her away since she's as thin as a stick. I guess an answer was expected. Or she wouldn't be standing there with an expectant face. Or maybe I was just imagining things???

"kawin? Nantilah, tunggu I kurus dulu"

"kurus?? Memang confirm la tak kawin sampai bila bila kalau macam tu"

Can somebody just take her away? I might end up stabbing her. Repeatedly.

For a Moment

2009-06-28T21:28:00.001+08:00

I've been blogging a lot in my mind lately. Whenever I think of something or see something blog-worthy, I keep snippets of words and thoughts in my mind and promise to get it all down on keyboard to monitor to cyberspace once I get home or at the very least once I can take a breather in between.

But I guess it's been one of those days when what I see, or hear or think isn't that simple to translate into words. I sit and stare at the monitor and try as I might, I couldn't seem to find the words.

The mind does wonder. It goes from one point to another, one memory to the other and one person to the next. I've been thinking about the circle of friends that I have around me, wondering whether I'd be missed if I were to disappear all of a sudden. I've been thinking about my family, and hoping and wishing that every bad thing that has happened the last few months could just disappear. I ponder on what I do for a living. They say that if you're not happy doing what you're doing then maybe it's time to seek for something else. I can't quite put my finger on that. I do have my moments, when I'm happy at work and of course the feeling of misery would definitely creep in once in a while. The truth is, I can't seem to figure myself out.

Hmmm..I can't say that I'm actually saddened by the news of the demise of the King of Pop, MJ. I have never been a fan. But the world has just lost one of its greatest entertainers. His music will live on forever, and I do mean that.

This entry is another classic example of random thoughts without a clear structure of an idea of what I wish to say, and for the sake of updating. Life is great, yes. But it's one of those moments you know…

I think I'm gonna go and make a cup of hot Lipton milk tea in vanilla flavor. Then I'm gonna watch an episode of Sex and the City. That always helps.

Have a great week ahead!

Yours Truly,

Cinta

It’s My Day

2009-06-22T09:54:00.003+08:00

I'm taking the day off.

Heading to Tesco in Mutiara Damansara in a bit cause the kitchen looks a bit barren. Need to replenish my stock. I'm going to be having a jolly good time in Tesco cause it's a Monday and no weekend crowd and no stray trolleys on the aisle!

Then it's to MPH or maybe Borders, and finally over to Badan Warisan Malaysia in Jalan Stonor for an exhibition.

Hope your Monday would be just as great!

What Do I Want?

2009-06-17T21:17:00.001+08:00

Another short entry to a very long day.

I want a baby…

How about that?

Say What?

2009-06-16T21:11:00.002+08:00

I only have this to say for today

YAT TOT FAT TAT.

no...I'm not throwing profanities here.

My Happy Life

2009-06-15T07:00:00.002+08:00

The past week I've been bombarded with happy news of friend's pregnancy. So I'm thinking that this video from Tompi "My Happy Life" would be most apt.

Have a great week ahead!

Merdu suaramu terdengar mengalun
Indahnya senyummu kalahkan pelangi
Hatiku tertegun di saat kau hadir
Kini engkaulah cinta,
Engkaulah bintangku

Cepatlah kau tumbuh
'Ku tak sabar menunggumu
Berlari denganku hadapi dunia
'Ku doakan slalu kau besar dengan cintamu
Buatlah dunia bahagia denganmu

Dan aku 'kan slalu menjagamu
Memberi yang terbaik dariku
Dengarkan wahai bintang kecilku
Hati ini bernyanyi hanya untukmu

Love Love Love Love...
You're my happy life
Love Love Love Love...
Hidup bahagiaku
Love Love Love Love...
You're my happy life
Love Love Love Love...
Love Love Love Love

When We're So Connected

2009-06-14T22:47:00.002+08:00

When we are so connected...

(click on image to enlarge)

The Ha Ha's

2009-06-13T11:33:00.002+08:00

Click on image to enlarge.

The Best Things in Life are Meant for Sharing

2009-06-12T10:57:00.010+08:00

My first birthday gift that I can remember were from my parents. It was a shiny, hard cover, illustrated book with the title "The Purple Elephant". I learned English through reading stories from Britannica's Fables and Tales. My first story that I had to read in English was one of Aesop's fables about the fox who wanted the grapes. My father would make me sit in the living room every night and had me reading aloud from that book. No..I'm not going to say that those were my fondest memories because my father is extremely temperamental whenever I fumble on a word. I would cry whenever he got irritated and started to pinch me. Yes, he did that.

When my family and I were about to move back to Malaysia, my ESL teacher, Mrs. Gloria Dogan gave me the book "The Velveteen Rabbit". It's an American classic. The book was very beatiful with lovely pictures in them. I've been in love with books eversince. I still keep those books. Those, I can never give away. They are a part of me because of the memories that they hold.

Don't buy me flowers, don't buy me chocolates or even jewellery. Buy me a book and I'll forever be yours. :)

I have a few books that I want to share and give away. Honestly, it breaks my heart everytime I have to part with a book. But that somebody told me once that books are meant to be shared, not kept on the shelves for it to collect dust. Postal or courier charges will be covered. I just want you to enjoy the books.

If any of the titles below might interest you, let me know. Just advice me on where I should send the books to. Don't leave your address in the comment box. If you would be so kind to email them to me instead, I would appreciate it very much. For my email address, just click on my profile.

Have a good weekend. I'm looking forward to lunches and breakfasts with friends that I haven't seen for quite a while. A weekend for catching up. It'll be a girl-bonding weekend for me.

Where ever you will be this weekend, what ever you do be safe, and have fun!

Fudge! Fudge! Fudge!

2009-06-11T09:40:00.003+08:00

YOU walked by MY HOUSE with YOUR dog. My CAT was minding her own dozing off under my car. YOUR dog saw my cat and started to CHASE it.

WHY did YOU have to KICK my CAT TWICE??? When I ran to stop you, your pathetic excuse was that MY cat BIT your DOG. Are you serious??

I saw the whole thing from the mamak place across the street you lame-ass!! Argggggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Kesian BOO.. :(

The Queen’s English

2009-06-10T14:53:00.001+08:00

English a must pass subject to obtain the SPM certificate? I am not going to write a lengthy write up on why we should make English a must pass subject. I'm sure there are a number of other bloggers who have done a much much better job at it than I ever will. We're all journalists now aren't we? Btw, that's a title of a book by Scott Gant

It's all very simple really. Until our universities stop accepting those with a C7 or is it F7, I can't remember, for their English during SPM into TESL programs and until the Ministry and all public universities in Malaysia stop producing teachers who come up with sentences such as those below and allowing them to graduate;

In the other hand
It's mean
"I want to get laid" instead of "I want to lay down"
Do you ever went to Singapore?

Then and only then, can the MOE have a say or the upper hand to determine whether English should be a must pass subject in SPM. I'm all for supporting the proposal, I know the advantages of being able to master the language, and the possibilities are endless. But we need to be fair to the students. The nation needs better English teachers. I rest my case.

Note;

There are many, many great English teachers around. They have done an amazing job educating and guiding their students. The writing above is not a reflection on the teaching profession as a whole, merely just on a small number of those teaching English and those that I have encountered personally. A Small but significant number if anything is not done soon.

Shower Time.

2009-06-10T07:00:00.003+08:00

We knew each other from our moonlighting days at the Blue Network. I played the songs and she read the news. Our only communication back then was when it was time for me to patch her through the airwaves. "Hey K, you ready? 2 minutes." That was about it, except maybe a few occasional smiles and acknowledging nods across the corridors. I left the station and she left a few months later. I thought that was it. She would just be another person from another chapter in my life until we were re-introduced again by a mutual friend about 2 years back. Only then did we actually start to become friends.

K has an interesting life story, but it's not my story to tell. She is an extremely independent and opinionated woman. She is also one of those women who fights and perseveres. K is loyal. A loyal friend and a loyal partner. Once she decides that she cares, be rest assured that K would have your back. She is a pillar of strength to many friends and I love her. She has also been trying to have a baby for the past 8 years.

So when our friend Lady Diva called to tell me the news and that K is taking me up on my offer to host her baby shower, I was ecstatic. Too happy to string proper sentences, my words came out incoherently. Happy- that- I- felt- like- dancing- out –in- the- street- happy. So K, I am honored to be hosting your baby shower. I promise you that the shower will be a reflection of how loved you are by us and also of the coming addition to your life and ours.

Time for me to get out my planner and start surfing those baby shower websites again. I love you K and I couldn't be happier for you. Counting down the days till the little one makes his/her appearance.

A Tuesday Morning

2009-06-09T10:44:00.007+08:00

I'm sitting here, at a table in the KL Library, with a view of the city. I look out the glass window and see KLCC, the KL Tower and a gorgeous view of the Sultan Abdul Samad Building and Dataran Merdeka. The flags enclosing the Dataran are flapping gently against the morning breeze. I was staring out at the ongoing traffic and reminiscing of yesteryears when I was 16. The morning of the nation's 38^th Independence celebration, I was part of the formation of our Jalur Gemilang. Time flew by so fast, the building that I am in right now have yet to exist back then.

I notice a yellow school bus parked by the roadside next to the Dataran. I scanned the Dataran, searching for something. There they are. I saw a group of primary school boys, judging from the dark blue color pants that they're wearing, huddled together for a group photo with the Sultan Abdul Samad building in the background and the two towers in the distance. A picture with KL's past and it's future. You can never get that elsewhere. Of its past and present co-existing, blending. I can't see their expression from where I am, but I sense a feeling elation from their skips and exuberant runs around the Dataran.I chuckled and wished I was there amongst them. Laughing and running and being carefree. I silently greeted them with a "welcome to KL boys."

This is my city, where I was born and raised. My heart swelled with pride. I wish them a wonderful time in this city of mine. The sights, the sounds and the people here each have a story to tell. Maybe of laughter and happy moments, and perhaps of tears and hardships. Did they know that the city was burnt down once in 1881? From attap houses to brick and tile, the city fought and struggled to live on, to be the centre of the nation. For 44 months, from January 11 1942, Kuala Lumpur was occupied by the Japanese forces. The city holds many history. The city has also witnessed many dreams and many hopes. This city has many stories to tell. Only if you are interested enough to know. The city is what you make of it.

I just sat there, on the chair in the library, with a view of the city and watching. Watching the people down there on the Dataran, watching the traffic go by and wondering where they're going. Watching the tall buildings and wondering about the people in them. I'm sitting here, taking a breather from work, from the outside world, if just for a moment.

The boys are boarding their bus now. Perhaps to KLCC next. Or maybe the twin towers. The pride of the nation. How far she's grown. Another bus just pulled in. A white and green tourist bus. I see a group of adults this time. Cameras poised and ready. I wish I could say to them, take a picture, know the story...love the city.

I have a feeling that perhaps one or two of those boys will come back in a few years time, to be a part of this city. Until that time comes, the city will continue to thrive and until day comes, the heart of the city will continue to beat and be home to me.

Back to work now.

Pick of the Week

2009-06-08T08:46:00.000+08:00

A little something to start your Monday with. Have a great week ahead!

Promise me that you will listen to this song.

CariJodoh.com

2009-06-07T23:46:00.005+08:00

A conversation between me and my 7 year old cousin Fara last Friday evening.

Fara : Kaklong, how old are you?

Me : Emmm....30 la Fara, kenapa?

Fara : Adik kaklong yang kawin haritu, how old is she?

Me : Alamak, akak lupa umur adik sendiri la, 27 kot.

Fara : Haa tengok, adik kaklong yang baru 27 dah kawin, kaklong bila nak kawin.

Me : Haha, Fara tolong la carikan boyfriend untuk akak. Nanti akak boleh kawin.

Fara : Ala kaklong cari je la kat http://www.carijodoh.com/ apa susah...

Me : #@$%&*????

I was flabbergasted that my 7 year old cousin knew such a site existed and it she actually knew what it was for. I went online to take a peek and see whether there was any such site. The actual url is http://www.carjodohmelayu.com/.

Should I actually worry that Fara knows such a site actually exists or I should actually read between the lines and understand that she's actually trying to say that "will you get married already?!" :)

To Each Her Own

2009-06-07T09:36:00.006+08:00

My mother and aunts are not big fans of my definition of hospitality.

Many moons ago, when life was all about exams, assignments and when is my scholarship ever going to be banked in, my home was the home-away-from-home central to all my friends. Come Friday or sometimes even earlier than that, you will see a group of loud Teslians (when were we ever quiet anyway?) trudging the hilly residential area of UPM, lugging with us bags filled with a week's worth of laundry, slowing making our way to the bus stop. Metro bus number 70. It goes from Serdang all the way to Kotaraya. It's been a long long time since I last heard "masuk lagi! masuk lagi" Belakang tu masuk lagi!" Yes abang conductor bas, I'm already squashed back here you know. Ewwww..and what is that smell? Oh, it's that guy with his hands raised high in the air holding on the railings. I would mumble and grumble and swear to myself and say "cik abang, ever heard of deodorant?" A little bird told me sometime ago that particular cik abang with the body odour is now an engineer with a very well known foreign oil company. So note to self; don't judge a person by his body odour.

At home, I prefer to treat my friends like they are part of the family. I would ask them to cook with me, share the chores etc. My mother would often nag and stare at me willing that her stare could actually do me bodily harm. "They're guests, she would say. Why are you making them do work?" Free labor mother, I would say and quickly scoot out of her way before another long lecture on hospitality which could get me into a hospital, nag overdose'd. i wouldn't be comfortable staying at the home of a friend and do nothing. I know that's being hospitable, but I'd rather be in the kitchen helping out or even help watering the plants.

Maybe I'm weird in that sense, but for you to actually be a friend of mine, means that you are comfortable around me and my home.

But of course, I won't do that to friends of parents or elder relatives. So to potential monther-in-laws, fret not, you shall be treated like a queen.

I Went Weak in the Knees.

2009-06-05T23:53:00.005+08:00

Ok so there I was, at 2.30pm on a Friday afternoon, happily driving along Penchala Link and turning into Jalan Duta. The road was going downhill. I stepped on the brake pedal to go a bit slower...and it froze! The brake to my car completely froze and it wouldn't budge an inch. I was going at 80km/ph, the road was sloping downhill and I felt like the car was sliding out of my control. I shoved at the brake again,praying that the car would slow down. As far as I can see, in that blink of a second, I had two choices. I could either open the car door and jump out and die on the spot because I know for definite that the cars behind me will not have the time to swerve, or I could crash my car to the side divider to avoid colliding with the cars in front me. Not very appealing choices I must say. I needed plan C.

I pushed the hazard light switch on, stepped on the brake pedal once again like my life depended on it and I do mean that literally, and slowly pulled up my handbrake while at the same time easing my car to the shoulder of the road. I must have stopped breathing during the whole ordeal. With car off the road and engine turned off, I stared at the road in front of me for about 3 minutes and I immediately went weak in the knees.

Made a few calls, cancelled all my appointments, pulled out my Etiqa auto assist emergency calling card and called for a tow truck. Thank god I immediately slipped the card into my purse when I went to renew my insurance. That done and tow truck was on its way, I called the cab. A bit of confusion with the cab company because I think they thought that I was kidding when I said that I was by the roadside a few hundred metres away from Lembaga Peperiksaan.

The tow truck took about an hour to get there, traffic probably, so I made a call to an ex while waiting. Like I said before, I'm still friends with all my ex's. I'm not sure why it was him in particular that I called but I guess I somehow knew that he would say the right things. I didn't even want him to come and pick me up. I just needed to hear something that would somehow help me understand what happened to my car and somebody who doesn't think that I was menggelabah over the top. I explained the situation I was in. He told me to feel which of my rims felt hot. So I did and the one in front was terribly hot. Told him so and he explained that the caliper pump was jammed. Ok so when I get to Proton Service, I would at least know what to say.

The few minutes after the tow truck towed away my car, I was left alone by the roadside waiting for the cab. Other drivers would probably think that I had a huge fight with my significant other and in diva like fashion, demanded to be let out of the car immediately. And if before this I had any doubts as to whether I was hot or not, I can be sleep easy from now on. Thank you to all the abang abang yang bawak lori yang honking like mad every time you passed by me. Oh, and thank you for the wolf whistles as well. :p I take all the honking and whistles as a compliment.

Thank you Lily from Etiqa Auto Assist for checking up on me every 10 minutes and making sure that I was all right. No thank you to Latiff from Proton Service Centre for greeting me with that sour look on your face. Senyum la sikit bang. It wouldn't kill you, you know. Sumpah I takde niat nak ngorat you pun kalau you senyum.

So today was the day the day that I went weak in the knees.

Now somebody pass me those mini signs which you stick on the back window of your car which says "BITCH on Board". I think I deserve that cause I know I was a Babe in Total Control of Herself today :) Now that's girl power.

Lemonade Anyone?

2009-06-05T06:42:00.006+08:00

You know... I was just thinking. When they say "when life gives you lemon, make lemonade" what exactly does it mean? what if I don't want to make lemonades? what if I want something else instead? A strawberry shake? Or maybe an ice cold watermelon juice?

Because I'm seeing it this way, it is saying that you should just settle for whatever life throws at you and be contented with just that.Or maybe, I'm having too much time on my hands right now and the question should never have come up in the first place because it means that make the best of what you're given.

But that brings me back to square one. Because from what I understand, I should just settle. Maybe I don't want to settle? Maybe I want something more.

"Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.” -CB

But like I said, I was just thinking...

Remembering.

2009-05-31T21:52:00.009+08:00

Back in 2004-05 I was moonlighting as a radio DJ for the Blue Network.I worked the grave yard shift on weekends. I miss those times. I miss being in the studio all alone, with the monitors and control panels in front of me and knowing that I was being heard throughout the country. I miss sharing my music with the listeners and sometimes just taking in their calls and listening to what they had to say.

Looking back, I can say that my audition was a complete disaster. I completely froze in the middle of my mock dj'ing session, not knowing what to say.I'm still not sure how I ever managed to get the job but I did and the affair lasted for a year, they didn't renew my contract the reason being that my voice was to mushy mushy for radio. Why did they take me on board in the first place then? But I guess it all worked out in the end, I couldn't have gone on moonlighting with my hellish work schedule. And you know how sometimes when people say that when one door closes another will open? I found that the door led me to my present NGO work, to which I have learned alot from. I've travelled to many different countries, worked with many different people from different cultures and they have in a way inspired me.They are passionate in what they do and they are really enthusiastic in wanting to make a difference in the world.

But back to the Blue Network story. That one year stint with the Blue Network was a surreal experience. I learned so much. It was then that I began to listen to Anita Baker, Indie Arie and Adina Howard just to name a few.

I had a crush on one of the first guy that I double banked with (that means where you had to sit in with a senior dj during his show and learn the ropes) I can still remember his perfume. He was wearing Clinique Happy for men. So from that day onwards, I notice that he would stay and keep me company whenever I had to double bank. Once he even stayed till 3am until I was done with my shift. And I would rush over to the office right after I was done with my day job just to get a glimpse of him. You know how it some romance novels they say that all of a sudden, you notice that how green the grass looked, how beutiful the flowers were and how the sky looked so clear? It was the same with me except that I didn't notice how bad the traffic was any longer in KL. Everything was just beautiful. It was some sort of a hide-and-seek game between us. I got tongue tied whenever I was near him. My heart felt like it could actually burst out at any moment. But it didn't get anywhere. Kind of difficult to be in a relationship when working together. The other guys especially the afternoon boys started to notice something and would tease us mercilessly. But the state of being on a natural high was exciting while it lasted.

He is still there, doing what he does best and occasionally I would tune in and listen to him. I would smile hearing the voice that a few years back, made my heart beat a little bit faster.

I would play this song when I was on air, thinking of him and I noticed that he would too ;) It could mean something else for him or maybe he just felt like airing the song but I would like to think of it and remember it as his way of saying that he liked me too... a girl can dream ;)

It's that look in your eyes, that say you love me
And all the silly things that you do
Those feelings that I get when ever you're near me
Tells me you're for me And I'm the one for you

Of Wedded Bliss and Happily Ever After's

2009-05-30T09:05:00.009+08:00

School Holiday is here.Hotel rates will be higher than the usual.Come to think of it, it's a bit unfair to those in the teaching profession. Teachers can't take leave whenever they feel like it and yet during that school holiday period, they need to pay more just because its a peak season.I think I want to propose for teachers to get a special rate or discounts during the school holidays.

I can already hear the distant beatings of the Kompangs and the smell of Nasi Minyak.Wedding planners all over must be frenzied running around and bumping into photographers, make-up artists and caterers.Street junctions would be crowded with wooden signs that might look something like this...

relatives from near and far would congregate and for those singletons, yours truly included, the predictable question of "when will it be your turn?" coming from aunts and elderly relatives. That default question would be so more pleasant to hear if it were accompanied by generous offers of funding the wedding. If that were the case, I would make a mad dash to find me a life partner. Seriously maksu, you will be the first person to know when the time comes. I will not deny you the right of official news bearer for our relatives in Singapore.

The next few lines is actually taken from my old blog.

I was at an old classmate's wedding today. The bride looked gorgeous smiling because today is her big day. The groom looked proud of having the bride walk by his side. Their expressions full of new promises and positive hopes for the future to come.

I'm getting to my point...patience dear friends, I'm trying to reflect here...

Here goes..as the year go by, life gradually changes but never forget to always remember to walk side by side as if it was your wedding day. Be proud of who and what your partner is. Truth is, your opinion is all that matters to her/him

No matter how hard life would get.. look for the positive things in life. Draw strength from each other and together... you could overcome anything.
Nobody was made perfect.. (ye ke?) but at that particular moment in time, nobody could have been close to perfection as your partner... relive that moment often.. learn to love our imperfections, learn to love each other in spite of the imperfections..

But then again, these are my reflections. I might change my mind once I'm married.

Selamat Pengantin Baru dear friends.

Cinta.

2009-05-26T23:27:00.005+08:00

I've found almost everything ever written about love to be true.

Shakespeare said "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I am more than willing to believe Shakespeare had.

I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should. I am constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives. It was Shakespeare who also said "love is blind". Now that is something I know to be true.

For some quite inexplicably, love fades; for others love is simply lost.But then of course love can also be found, even if just for the night. And then,there's another kind of love: the cruelest kind. The one that almost kills its victims. Its called unrequited love. Of that I am an expert...

Iris
The Holiday

Tonight of All Nights.

2009-05-25T20:15:00.007+08:00

These past few weeks, I've never actually bothered with my Facebook account. Not like I used to anyway.Back then, I could sit for hours at a time and just stare at the monitor till I'm blue in the face. Poking here and there, uploading a picture of the traffic to which I was stuck in, and leaving cyber prints all over my friend's profiles. Where did I manage to find all the time?

But I do need to check it everyday. A Uni friend who now is a permanent resident in Dubai is planning her wedding reception is Seri Melayu this coming June and I promised to keep her updated with things from this end. Now that I think about it, I don't know why we're exchanging emails via Facebook and not our personal email accounts, oh well... Whichever works.

But tonight, of all the nights, I can't log in due to site maintenance and tonight, of all nights, I feel this sudden desperate need to log in regardless. I've been punching in my username and password every 10 minutes. Seriously, I know that there would not be anything remotely interesting as the books waiting on my nightstand other than maybe a friend poking me or that friend has just taken a quiz and found out that he's only been using 25% of his brain. Tonight, of all nights, I just have to log in. This need is becoming so desperate.

Maybe, it's the universe telling me in a way that this is who I am. Somebody who doesn't want something which is already there and becomes desperate when it isn't and I better do something to change that, because if I don't, I could be spending my whole life sitting in front of the PC and still trying to access my Facebook account. Definately not a story to which fairytales are made of.

Why am I even blogging about this I don't know. I would say that it has something to do with butterflies. I need to remind myself to write about butterflies next. They're so so beautiful.

By the by, I do hope that your Monday came without the blues.

Note to Self.

2009-05-24T22:50:00.004+08:00

When are you ever going to continue with your studies?? Orang lain dah sampai bulan and you're still filling out forms and not sending them in. Get a move on! Make up your mind and hurry would ya???

I wish I'm Harry Potter, a wave of the wand and presto! Form filled, signed, sealed and delivered. Now...what's the name of that owl??

Stop and Smell the Flowers

2009-05-22T15:50:00.003+08:00

Go and see a movie, have an early Sunday breakfast with friends, go window shopping, spring clean your room or your home, try out that new recipe, visit parents, sisters, brother or the whole clan... whatever you do...

Have a great and relaxing weekend!

Dunia Kita Berbeza

2009-05-22T12:40:00.003+08:00

You see, although I was born and raised in KL, deep down, I'm very much what the KL'ites would call a "kampong girl"

I used to know Mr. A. I guess you could say that he is what most women would dream of. Good looks, plays golf, come from a prominent family, shops at Pavilion and KLCC, decked out to the nines in designer outfits and accessories. He's all about the money bay-beh.

I told him that we're worlds apart. He said he could handle it.

He enjoys the life of the high society, cocktails, gala's and making in on the society pages in the local newspaper.

He's all about the Gucci shoes, the RM500 Polo t-shirts, and the Prada underwear. That's an exaggeration on my part.

He's all about the Maserati's ( I don't even know whether that's a car or a motorbike) the Porsche's and the BMW's.

He's all about the lobsters, caviars and the hundred ringgit a plate teppanyaki.

He's all about the Pavorotti, and other opera singers whom I haven't heard of. No, not haven't heard of, I'm ignorant of would be more like it.

He collects watches worth thousands of ringgit a piece, I'm just thankful that the one on my wrist if functioning.

Me, I'm contented with eating at mamak restaurants & Uptown where the Kuey Teow there is only RM3.50 a plate. My idea of fine dining would be at restaurants where the waiters and servers come to you instead of standing in line and pointing to the menu mounted on the board in front of you. Hotels and other fine dining establishments terrify me because I just don't know which fork goes with what. They all look the same to me. Attentive waiters and hosts make me squirm. I feel like they're just waiting for the moment when I do a "Julia Roberts" with the flying escargot. I have this vision of them rolling their eyes or laughing their insides out while politely escorting me out for fear that I might harm other patrons with my flying stunt. Not good for their image they say.

Me, I'm all about the asam pedas, I make killer asam pedam by the way, masak lemak cili padi and the ulams that you can get dirt cheap in pasar Chow Kit. I did not mention sambal belachan as I have a terrible sinus problem.

Me, just hand me my Ipod with John Legend, Diana Krall, Sheila Majid and I'm one happy person.

Me, I'm just ecstatic that my locally manufactured car takes me from point A to point B and sometimes it'll go a bit further even to point Z without breaking down.

My idea of luxury is the premier toilets in KLCC to which you need to pay RM2 to get in. I could stay in there all day. With all the free toiletries and body spray courtesy from Body Shop. Interesting marketing strategy I must say. I do wonder whether their sales have increased ever since.

Once, not so long ago, I thought I wanted all that. But when I had a taste of it, I know it wasn't for me. Because you see, deep deep down, I'm just your average kampong girl. I'm happier this way. Life is much simpler. And until my paycheck would miraculously triple or quadruple its amount anytime soon, the life of the rich and famous will be a fairytale.

A kampong girl in the city of KL that I heart so much.

People in Glass Houses

2009-05-21T20:54:00.011+08:00

There is a proverb that goes "People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones"
The proverb has been traced back to Geoffrey Chaucer's 'Troilus and Criseyde' (1385).

It implies that you shouldn't be over critical of someone since you, yourself, could be open to the same sort of criticism.Those who are vulnerable should not attack others. And I, am definately vulnerable when it comes to criticism. I don't like throwing stones anyway. Bad memory involving stones when I was a kid. Kena piat dengan dengan my mom with I threw a stone at my kid sister just because I felt like throwing a stone at her. But I do like the idea of a glass house. Kinky thoughts are crossing my mind right now.

But I'm not gonna write on criticism and vulnerability today. I'm going to save that for another day.

Instead, I want to share this tranquil place where I escaped to one weekend late in January.

I went away on a weekend retreat to a secluded place nestled and tucked secretly away about 30 Km from the hustle and bustle of the city that I heart so much.

I found this sanctuary while browsing online. Purely by accident about a few years back. Plan finally became an action somewhere in late January. I rounded up my sisters and friends and a photographer for the 2 days 1 night stay.

Trust me when I say, never ever attempt to reach this place without a proper map from someone who has actually been there. From the mainroad, don't count on seeing any signboards leading you in. Don't bother with GPS as it's not located on it.

Don't bother turning your cellphones on, there isn't reception or network coverage to begin with. It's just me and my friends acquainting ourselves with the sounds of nature.

So there we were, after several wrong turns, and a few "wei, masuk sini la" we finally made it to a place with a very unique name, Sekeping Serendah which in English would literally translate into 'a piece of Serendah'. Beautiful isn't it. It's a piece of heaven which can only be found to those who want it bad enough and look for it hard enough.

While my sisters and friends were happily jumping and diving into the pool, I chose a quiet corner in the house where the sunlight streamed through the glass wall, switched my Ipod on and read a book. It was bliss. everywhere I looked throughout the house, all I saw were the leaves and the trees. All I heard was the sound of the stream somewhere near the glass house and the birds chirping.

I took walks alone along the path, stopped at the stream, dipped my feet in and just stood around looking in wonder and awe at god's creation. It was a significant moment for me personally. I took the quiet time alone to just be with me. A moment of reflection. I made a few decisions and hoped that I won't regret them...and I haven't.

So there we were, 3 sisters and friends, no tv, no cell coverage, no radio...the only thing to do was to spend time with each other.

It was a weekend worth spent away from the city that I heart so much, late in January. I will come back. To pause and reflect once again.

The Sun Ain’t Gonna Shine

2009-05-19T08:27:00.003+08:00

I know I'm supposed to be hard at work; I've got like a stack of paperwork to clear in front of me. I promise this will be a quick one.

I'm listening to the Four Top's 'The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine' on my Ipod. It's my morning ritual. I need to listen to a selection of songs, depending on the mood I'm in before I start the day.

And suddenly I thought of him. I haven't seen him in 4 months. Ever since that "fateful" (I'm typing this with my eyes rolled) night where I accidentally fell asleep while waiting for him to pick me up when we were supposed to go out for a movie. We haven't called each other since. I'm too much of a chicken to call him and apologize where else I think he's too mad that I actually stood him up. Well, not intentionally though.

He loves the song by the Four Tops. He'd sing that song whenever we're in the car. I downloaded the song and gave him the CD. He was ecstatic.

Maafkanlah saya J Saya memang tak sengaja tertidur.

I miss your singing-lah.

Change of Heart.

2009-05-19T08:06:00.002+08:00

"And what does a woman dream of, Mrs. Stowe?"

Smiling dreamily, she pulled back the blankets on his bed. "She dreams of a man who is all hers, a man whose whole world revolves around her. He might go out and solve world problems and be seen by everyone as magnificently strong, but when he's at home, he puts his head on her lap and tells her he couldn't have accomplished anything without her."

What Dreams Are Made Of

2009-05-18T12:30:00.000+08:00

I dreamed of a wedding so perfect,
a flowing gown, a reception filled with flowers,
family and friends. I asked him what he dreamed of.
He said he dreamed of me..

That Easy Sunday

2009-05-18T12:13:00.003+08:00

I had a good weekend, although I had to work on Saturday, but I still had a good weekend.

That Saturday evening, I was in the mood to cook and entertain. I wanted to be around people I am comfortable with, people who know me and my eccentricities, my weaknesses and yet accepts me as I am. I wanted to be around people who would listen and yet not be pushy, people I could trust with my deepest, darkest secrets.

I rushed to Max Value, at the same time thinking of what to make. I wanted to make the stuffed roast chicken with the recipe that I got from a friend. I wanted to make a Mediterranean salad. I wanted to make Crème Brulee for dessert but I only had about an hour. I still had to prepare the guest bedroom and straighten out the living room. The ambitious menu would just have to wait. Perhaps another time, another evening. I decided to make something simple and quick. Pasta sautéed with garlic, and to add color, l threw in broccoli, a handful of green, yellow and red capsicum, diced. I cheated a bit, I sprinkled a bit of chicken cube for flavor and a sprinkle of oregano leaves for the chicken. Dessert would be a banana split. Bananas, vanilla and chocolate ice cream topped with Hershey's chocolate syrup sprinkled with a rainbow of chocolate rice and chopped walnuts. I hope that would be good enough.

The girls arrived right after maghrib. The evening would be a good one, I remember thinking that, and it was.

It was a cosy evening. It was just me and the girls, sharing food and exchanging stories. Laughing over a joke, an anecdote and laughing at ourselves. I needed that.

Breakfast the next day was at a neighboring curry house. I had my Puri. I haven't had Puri in a long time. I love Puri. Puri is good. I also love the potatoes that come as a side dish. Sunday is going to be a good day. I had a good feeling.

The ladies and I decided to spend the remaining Sunday morning at Amcorp Mall browsing through antiques and second hand stuff. What do you call those piring hitam's? I was in heaven. I loved all the retro and rnb songs on those piring hitam. Wished they had them on CD's. We said our goodbye's and 'I'll be seeing you' a few hours later. I

It was my alone time at home. Did my laundry, ironed out a week's worth of work clothes.

I charged my Ipod, after a month of neglect. I need my music. My Spinners, my Natalie Cole, Maliq & the Essentials, my Eric Bennet. I've missed them. Can't wait to listen to the playlist which I've categorized as "The Jiwangness in Me". I'm in that mood right now.

If I had somebody to call my other half, I would've ended the perfect Sunday with an evening at the park with him, flying kites and watching the kids laughing and running. Being carefree and enjoying life. If I knew back then that life would have its up and downs when I grew up, I would've taken my time to grow up. Reminded me of the Toys R Us jingle. I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys R Us kid.

Have a great week ahead ok.

Did I not tell you?

2009-05-17T17:46:00.000+08:00

You keep calling at odd hours in the morning, being very persistent, until I pick up the phone. I'm too exhausted to even mumble a word so I just hold the phone to my ear, not saying a word, with my eyes closed and not listening to a word you say. I'm too exhausted to argue with you...

I work 10 hours a day, I go out when the sun hasn't even peeped yet and I come clock out when the sun is about to set. I continue my day with being another person, this supposedly entrepreneurial woman, calculating profits and losses and thinking of ways of increasing sales so that the business would stay afloat. As I enter the door to a place where I call home, a new day is about to start and yet I'm still trying to catch up on the present.

I'd switch roles again. This time a domestic goddess. A single domestic goddess thank god. I don't think I'd be able to hold up if there were kids running around. Not yet, but in the future insyallah.

As my head hit the pillows, my eyes glance at the clock on my nightstand. A few more hours. A quick al-fatihah, the three Qul's and the Ayatul Kursi. I'm in between the conscious and subconscious realms of life.

And then the phone rings. It's you. I press the silent button. Yet you call again. I push the phone under the pillow. When I finally wake up, I see 7 missed calls and a few text messages.

I told you from the very beginning, I can't do this. I'm no longer that person anymore. You said you'd understand. But I guess you don't. Because you see, I don't want to say yes I'll commit myself to you and yet not be committed to you. Am I making sense?

Don't hate me. I did tell you.

Single or Double?

2009-05-15T21:44:00.000+08:00

How do you spell Phillippine?

with a single 'L' and a single 'P'? or

with a double 'L' and a double 'P or

with a double 'L' and a single 'P'??

Does it even have an 'S' at the end of it??

What say you?

That Aching Feeling

2009-05-15T14:56:00.001+08:00

Have you ever felt the need to cry out of the blue? I have, these past few days.

I was in a foreign city, in a foreign land, on another continent, halfway across the world, all alone when I received the text message from both of my parents informing me that all their life savings and investments were gone. To say they are penniless would be an exaggeration of a kind.

I cried in the comforts of the hotel room where I was staying. I cried not because of the money lost or the imminent possibility that our life, their lives was about to take a dramatic change. I didn't cry because of that. I cried for the betrayal, the trust that was broken and the seas separating me and my family. I cried because I wasn't able to be there. Or was it maybe I cried because I was relieved that I wasn't there to witness all the drama and heartache.

But that was the only time I cried. It was the only time I allowed the tears to fall.

I landed in KLIA a few days after. I was jet lagged and exhausted. But I knew I had to be awake. Sleep was out of the question. I had so many people to see, explanations to be heard and a lot of running around and trying to figure out ways to haul ourselves out of the mess. With parents sanity intact, and their lives glued together again.

My normally strong mother was crying every hour on the hour. I tried to be understanding and give her room to vent out her frustration and fear. Fear of not knowing what would happen to the family if we are not able to pull through. Fear of the unknown and the what if's. What if the sun won't shine tomorrow? What if this is all a horrific dream? The what if's could break your soul down into tiny little fragments of dust, blown away and forgotten.

I guess I gave her too much room, or the people that she's been mengadu~domba ing with has been encouraging her to lose her marbles…maybe. It's just an assumption.

I had to put my foot down when she started wailing and talking about death and seeking forgiveness from her brothers and sisters and saying how she no longer had the strength to go through all this. Money and a broken trust could do that to you. I just learned that, the hard way.

Foot had been let down sternly, a few stern words delivered, and she was back to her old,, strong self again albeit a few days too late to my liking. Dearest mak, forgive your daughter if the words were too harsh and I had hurt your feelings, especially in this fragile moment. It was never my intention, it was never meant to hurt you. But I couldn't see you like that. I'm not going to allow that. We'll weather through this together.

YOU,

The man that you hate so much…he's aged for the past month. He has lost weight. All my life, for the past 30 years, I have never seen him cry. But now he has. Every day. A man of his stature, you have managed to bring him to his knees. You could see it in his eyes that he's tired.

The woman that you say nags and worries to the point of being annoying…she hasn't been sleeping well for the past month. I know because I'm the one at home. Yes, she hadn't cried since that fateful day when I told her to get a grip on herself. She's a strong woman and she doesn't deserve this.

That piece of shit you love so much and call life partner? I will never forgive him for being ignorant to all this and for having the nerve to say that he doesn't want to interfere in matters of the family. Only one thought crosses my mind right now and it's not a very pleasant thought. So much for hoping that having another male presence would help take care of the parents.

Just so you know, I don't hate you. I never will. But could I ever forgive you? Sigh, I don't have the answer for that.

I'm all right. This is just a venting in replacement of the tears that won't fall.

Just so you know, I love you and I do worry about you. I worry whether he's treating you right, whether you have been eating and whether life is ok for you.

If only you do know…

Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa@Istana Budaya

2009-05-11T19:03:00.000+08:00

Living in KL, you'll never run out of things to do. For those who absolutely love theatres and the performance arts, don't miss Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa that will be staged at Istana Budaya this month. Fret not, the play will be staged in English..Yippie yeay!

As the mighty empires of Byzantine Rome and China prepare to be united through marriage, General Merong Mahawangsa must find a way to defeat Garuda’s plan to disrupt this union and fulfil his duty to his king. New friendships are formed and old ones tested as the magical bird Jentayu struggles between friendship and honour, and duty and loyalty to his uncle, the fearsome Garuda, and the two royals in love try to survive and find each other amid exciting fights set against the beautiful and ethereal backdrop of Langkawi.

This family-friendly English language adaptation of the Malay classics of Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa and Jentayu stars Megat Sharizal Yusoff as General Merong Mahawangsa, Sham Sunder Binwani as Garuda, Tuan Faisal Azmy as Jentayu, Tony Leo Selvaraj as Prince Justinian, Siti Farrah Abdullah as Dewi Embun, Shafiqah Shafie as Princess Ling Ling, Sani Zainal Abdullah as Kakaktua, Nyza Zaini as Lao Lao, Nick Dorian as Laut and Acat Aziz as Darat.

Venue: Istana Budaya
When: 14 May 2009, 10;00AM - 14 May 2009, 08:30PM -
15 May 2009, 08:00PM - 15 May 2009, 03:00PM -
16 May 2009, 08:30PM - 16 May 2009, 03:00PM -

Website:
merongepic.com

Address:
Lambang Sari, Istana Budaya, Jalan Tun Razak, KL

Tel: 03 4142 7844

Entry Fees:
RM35 (Adults), RM25 (children twelve-years-old and below. Early-bird, family and group discounts are available)

Advance Booking: YES

I'll see you in Istana Budaya!

KL & it's Men

2009-05-10T22:14:00.000+08:00

I love the city. I love that you can get a glass of teh tarik or in my case, a glass of air limau suam and a plate of roti kosong at 3am. I love that the city houses Kinokuniya, Borders and a huge MPH.

I love the city after the rain has washed away all the debris and you will get this amazing, clear view of the city skyline. I love having breakfast over the weekend with my girlfriends at Ms Read @ Dua Residence over at Jalan Tun Razak.

I love driving and being in KL at 9am on a weekend. It's so quiet. I love dancing the night away in Hard Rock Cafe, listening to the house band. I love the sights,the night lights, the sounds and the smell of kl's street food. I love walking along Jalan Bukit Bintang. I love sitting in Dome KLCC on a weekday evening and just people watch. I heart Kl. Kl is an amazing city to be in.

However, for a city that offers so much, it is lacking in men.

Kl has this serious shortage of available men. Available and normal men. Or if there are an abundance of em somewhere, I must be looking at the wrong places or they are just tucked away, hidden from me because I keep ending up with....with....

Exhibit A
Ms G and Mr K introduced us. Let's call him Mr A. He was reportedly and supposedly a good friend of the family of Ms G and Mr K. Meet him in Ampang. I had to pay for his dinner, and as we were walking towards the parking lot, he asked to borrow 2ok from me! Do I have like CIMB/Maybank bergerak stamped on my forehead?

Exhibit B
I think Mr I is a character right out of a porn movie. He seemed normal for the first few dates and phone conversations. Until...he asked me to call him Master, wanted to buy a collar for me and wanted me to kneel whenever we spoke on the phone. *alarm bells started ringing*! Get out! Get out!

Exhibit C
Mr R..I can't remember where I met him but he's the invisible man. He would suddenly disappear for months at a time, and suddenly appear out of nowhere. He would beg me to give him a second chance, pleading to meet.He would come up with these outrageous excuses ranging from 'I'm a workaholic, I've been trying to buy a franchise, I've been out of the country yadda yadda yadda.

Mr R, let me introduce you to the Cellphone. It's a very useful device. It can help you send text messages no matter where you are in the world to the people back home. If that doesn't work or maybe for some pathetic reason, your cell does not support roaming, let me introduce you to the desktop/laptop. Log on to the world wide web and voila! You can actually send emails letting people know where you are. It is the new millenium you know. Even the tea lady where I work is more wired than you are.

His most interesting line so far "Can we just meet for dinner, and I want you to see that I'm worth it" Emmm....I don't think so!

How many frogs do I have to kiss before I meet my prince charming?

I love Kl, but seriously, the men here need a major make over. Don't replenish the stock, look at new products instead. :))

Akademi Fantasia?

2009-05-10T13:51:00.000+08:00

Photo from mStar online

My close circle of friends would probably roll their eyes and snigger if they ever find out that I've been watching Akademi Fantasia. Watching and drooooling over a particular contestant.

I do watch the reality tv show. On and off (cheh! I'm in denial) Just not so diligently sampai tahap I can't miss one episode but if you ask me to name the winners of each season I probably could name them in. hehehe

Akademi Fantasia 7 has lured me into its trap mainly because one amazing women. She gave me the goosebumps when I watched her perform for Puteri Gunung Ledang the Musical last February. But that's another story altogether.

So there I was last night, stretched out on the Sofa, watching Hafiz. The thing that got to me was, this one particular moment when he was wiping sweat off his forehead. I know you might say "ewww...that is so gross!" but there was just something in his movement that moved me, you know??????? You know the feeling when something or someone just gets to you, in a good way.

Looat at the part where Adlin was commenting on him, and he was wiping sweat off his forehead..sangat adorableeeeeeee...

But my obsession aside, I think he is a really good performer. Don't believe me, go look it up on youtube :)

I think he's a Guy Sebastian from Australian Idol look-a-like.

I'm rooting for you Hafiz! But honestly, I won't be a figure in the statistics sms-ing for you. Other than that, you have my full support babe! You're so cute I could bite you! Arrrrrrrr...!

One Over the Other

2009-05-09T20:15:00.000+08:00

I was in One Utama yesterday, killing an hour before the movie Wolverine started. I hopped over to my favourite place, my sanctuary...MPH

I had every intention of buying this book; (see below) when I stepped into MPH.

"One Fifth Avenue, the Art Deco beauty towering over one of Manhattan's oldest and most historically hip neighborhoods, is a one-of-a-kind address, the sort of building you have to earn your way into - one way or another. For the women in Candace Bushnell's new novel, One Fifth Avenue, this edifice is essential to the lives they've carefully established - or hope to establish. From the hedge fund king's wife to the aging gossip columnist to the free-spirited actress (a recent refugee from L.A.), each person's game plan for a rich life comes together under the soaring roof of this landmark building." This book is a modern-day story of old and new money, that same combustible mix that Edith Wharton mastered in her novels about New York's Gilded Age and F. Scott Fitzgerald illuminated in his Jazz Age tales. Many decades later, Bushnell's New Yorkers suffer the same passions as those fictional Manhattanites from eras past: They thirst for power, for social prominence, and for marriages that are successful - at least to the public eye. But Bushnell is an original, and One Fifth Avenue is so fresh that it reads as if sexual politics, real estate theft, and fortunes lost in a day have never happened before.

After a hellish work schedule for the past 2 months,working non stop 7 days a week, getting home just to crash on the bed and change clothes, I am in serious need for a distraction. I needed something glamorous, something along the lines of Sex and the City. I needed the power girls. I desperately wanted to escape the world for just a few hours.

But this book caught my eye instead;

Interesting title I must say. Personally, I've always thought that one is the other. I didn't buy the book yet. I still needed some time to browse through and maybe GOOGLE it over. ( Yes, I'm that kind of person ;p)

Tomorrow is a Sunday. I might just go to MPH again.

Of Ex'es...

2009-05-07T23:19:00.000+08:00

I loved him once. A very long time ago. Life was beautiful before it got ugly. He was a part of me...and then he wasn't.

He will soon be a husband. To a girl who worships the ground he walks on and adores him.

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials.

Before any of you get this twisted idea that I'm still in love with..stop right there. ;) I can assure you that I'm not. But we did share a few good laughs, while it lasted.

I've stuffed his ear with cotton bud once, and it wouldnt come out and we had to rush to the clinic to get it out.

We were studying, him in Uitm and me in UPM. Money was scarce, we shared nasi bungkus together, eating at the lake near PKNS. I think both of us were still hungry, but kesian at the other...takut duit tak cukup hehehe

He taught me to swim, but not how to float. Cause he doesnt know how to either!

I trained him to read Judith McNaught novels and become all mushy mushy inside. He borrowed mine and never returned them.

He loves chicken curry, and I learned how to cook it.

We shared some pretty good moments I must say...

When I was way younger and naive, when we just broke up. I was in a race against him to see who had the better partner. Whose life was better. It was all about who is better off without each other. I think I was trying to prove that life without me is a big mistake. I was stupid ok, give me allowances for that ;)

I'm wiser now. Or I'd at least like to believe that I am. I'd better be, or all that running around, heart broken and calling it life's experience would be wasted. :)

It doesnt matter who ends up with the better partner or the better life. You're happy that she makes you happy, and life is more meaningful with her around, then you are blessed and I am envious. A good envy mind you. I am envious that you have found that rare someone who you want to spend your future with. Someone who accepts you for what and who you are. That is a rare gift.

I still haven't found that person yet. But I know I will. Pray that I will.

I wish you all the best things that life has to offer. I wish you'd stop hating me...I can be a really good friend ;)