I cried.

I still remember.

6 years ago, you left a note on the windshield of my car.

“Sometimes, the best things in life cannot be seen or heard but are felt in the heart” 

You signed it with your name, The Syed, and a number for me to call you back. The rest they say is history.

This morning, however, I cried.

I cried.

I cried not because I found your wedding invitation addressed to me in my mailbox the morning after your wedding, and I had no idea that you even had a fiancée, or that you were getting married.

I cried not because when you called to say you were supposedly touring Europe, you were in fact busy getting married.

I cried not because you are now someone else’s, and you will never be mine. I let go of that dream and hope a very long time ago. During one rainy afternoon when I asked where are we headed and you truthfully said that we are not meant to be. I accepted that. We became friends.

I cried not because during those last movie dates together and I mentioned who would I be watching movies with if you decide to get married in the near future, you didn’t say anything, and I thought I’d still have you for a few more moons.

I cried not because of the countless of weekends spent together, countless late night conversations, countless dinners after work, countless supper and countless journeys together discovering new places to eat, and I wouldn’t be able to do that with you anymore.

I cried not because while you were supposedly touring Europe, I was patiently waiting for you to come back. I was missing you.

I cried.

I cried because when I texted a congratulatory message to you, and my hands were shaking and the tears threatened to fall,   you said we can still go out for movies together. That’s not me. I wouldn’t do that.

I cried because though you had a moment to spare to come over to my house to drop the card in my mailbox, you couldn’t spare a moment to call or see me and tell me that you are getting married.

I cried because after 6 years of friendship, I was still not a friend to you. A friend would know when a friend is getting married.

But  mostly,

I cried because you didn’t give me a chance to say goodbye to you. To us. To our twisted friendship together. I cried because I just lost my best friend.

Only to realize that I wasn’t yours.

I’d better be getting home now. I’ve been here all day. Thinking, then crying. 

The barista here in Coffee Bean Mont Kiara is going to  start thinking that I’m homeless.  The shredded wedding card is still on the table.