Monday, December 31, 2012

The Reason

There we were, two people, sitting at the mamak opposite my house, on one rainy Saturday evening. One is single while the other is not.

The conversation flowed aimlessly from one subject to another, then he said, “you know, things happen for a reason.”

A rather ambiguous statement. Bordering between the negative and the positive, depending on how we want to look at it.

I went to bed that night thinking hard. Remembering everything that has happened and everyone that I have met and trying to figure out the reason why. There are an abundance of quotes over the internet on it. They say that sometimes a person comes into our lives to serve some sort of purpose, to teach us an important lesson or maybe to help figure out who we are or who we want to become.

Like the friend who is constantly cheering me on, to keep dreaming the dreams, and turn them into a reality. Or the boss that has become a mentor, teaching and guiding me to be the best that I can be and eventually has helped me figure out where I am headed.

And sometimes the things that happen to us may seem, at that point in time, horrible, painful or unfair but in reflection, we will come to realize that without overcoming those obstacles, we would never know our strength, will power or heart.

Why do I know you? Why do you know me? Why did I do that? What have I learned from it?
But at the end of the day, I think it all boils down to this; the person and voice inside us.

The reasons can only happen should we allow it to happen. It can only happen if we open our minds…and our hearts, to changes, to allow them to become a part of our lives. And letting them be who they are, and for us to be who we are.

I may not like some of the things about my friend who was seated across from me. Like how he likes to boss me around, or how he can sometimes be such a grumpy old man (not literally though) but hey, then again, it was the things he said that made me write again. Maybe that was his reason.

I know you have yours. We’ll figure it out eventually, as we go along.

Have a great new year’s eve. We’ve been this far, have we not? :-)

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Is Happiness a State of Mind?


Three years ago I made the difficult decision to switch careers. I thought I would be happier. It was a huge step up with exciting opportunities, and it was, or still is. The new job gave me the opportunity to travel more in the past three years than I ever did before. I met new people with a wealth of experience and drew inspiration from their successes and stories of life.

But somehow, being honest with myself now, I feel empty. Not depressed or I-will-never-laugh-again…just empty. I don’t know whether it was because of the choices I made or maybe, just maybe, it was because of the big void that Pak Syed left. I’d rather if it was the former than the latter.

I think I was happy three years ago. I remember laughing a lot more. Reading a lot more. Writing a lot more in this blog of mine. Seeing a lot more movies and having the time to do things that made me happy.

I think I’ve tried everything to feel that same euphoric feeling and the giddiness I’ve felt three years before. Spent more time with friends, had positive quotes tacked to my corkboard at work…but nothing. I even bought boxes of cupcakes because I saw this poster once that said “You can’t buy happiness but you can buy cupcakes. And that’s kind of the same thing.” Still no butterflies, only more weight added. Yes, I think I’ve gained at least 8kg from comfort eating.

I don’t regret making that decision. Standing at that crossroad and choosing that certain path. But….I can’t help but to keep on wondering, if it was right, then why do I feel empty inside?