Neither a beginning or an end

I realize that it is still kind of early to be writing about the year end. It’s still November... still another full month to go.

Somehow, I’ve always been melancholic come the year end. I don’t exactly know why, I just know that I am.

Today, after staring hard at the calendar on the table, it hit me that the year is about to draw the curtains. As the year draws to an end, I couldn’t help but to pause for a moment and ponder – ponder on the  paths that I’ve chosen to tread upon, the friends that I’ve chosen to surround myself with and the memories that I choose to keep.

Have I made the right choices? I honestly don’t know. But choose I did. It’s the choices I’ve made throughout that have brought me to where I am today.

I guess, on a personal level, the New Year is in some way, a mark of how far I’ve come, from where I’ve been and how far I would still have to go.

Some say that New Year does not make any difference to them; they say it’s just another day, another X mark in the calendar.

For me, New Year is a time frame, a mark, an indication.

For one day in the year, the New Year is a breather. One day, out of the 365 days, for me to just stop for a while. To stand still and see myself a little more clearly, before the next day comes and we all push ourselves again, in our quest to maybe become a better person, a better friend, a better wife, better husband, and strive for a better life.

I’ve accidentally made plans for the New Year while browsing on the net for cheap flights to Brisbane next February.

No, no crowds this year, no staring up at the sky looking at the colourful fireworks. Not this year, this year is more subdued, quieter. This year’s ending will be spent somewhere on the outskirts of the city. In a room perched high on hill, overlooking a garden - a room with a balcony, where I plan on having my first breakfast of the year, where I will be saying quiet goodbyes to all that has happened this year and where I will build new hopes for the future in the quiet comforts of my own company.

Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instil in us.

Hit Search

 

I have to admit that I cannot image life without the Internet.

There are advantages to it, like googling the name of a potential boyfriend material to find out whether he really is still single as what he claims to be or searching for digitized scraps of information about that ex from long ago-I’m not really sure how googling about an ex would be an advantage though. To any ex of mine who might actually stumble upon this posting, no, I did not just google you.

The downside to all that available information? Knowing what you shouldn’t have known about in the first place.

Like, I know this is going to sad a tad bit pathetic – finding out from Facebook how extremely pretty The Syed’s wife is, how happy he looked sitting next to her on the dais or the fact that The Syed got engaged in December 2008 while he was still very much seeing me everyday and running up his phone bill every night whispering sweet nothings to me.

Now that I know, I honestly wished that I didn’t. What I don’t know wouldn’t hurt me…

No, I did not just cyber stalked him recently. I cyber stalked the moment I received his wedding invitation which was many months ago, not the same thing right? No?

Lesson to be learned? To leave things as it is. Life was a little less complicated without the easy accessibility of Google’s search button.