Monday, August 24, 2009

Cause I’m Leaving

It’s time to leave my job.

7 years of driving the same treacherous road halfway up to Genting through Hulu Yam. Everyday at 6.30 am.7 years of giving it all that I can give,my time,my resources, my soul included.

I have always thought of leaving, but I was still there, am still there or here or wherever that is. I’d always say to myself, just one more year, one more year. Sometimes, I’d say, let me finish off this year, it wouldn’t be fair to leave in the midst of everything. I should have left when the first thought of leaving crossed my mind. 

There I was, facing my second in command of a boss, looking at my yearly performance  review. I think I didn’t speak for a good 10 minutes. I just sat there, staring at the piece of paper that might have been more or less the one thing that stood in the way of me ever moving up the ladder. I just sat there, willing myself not to cry in front of the boss. No. No tears.

I looked up, smiled and asked for a justification.

Second in command fidgeted around. Trying to come up with some lame excuse. The best that he could do was say “I did give you very high marks, but when push comes to shove, it all boiled down to what the Big Boss wanted.” And since Big Boss moved on to bigger and better things last May, I very well did not feel like calling him and demanding an explanation from him as well.

It wasn’t that bad. I was still in the box were my marks are considered high. But it’s not enough. It doesn’t reflect what I have contributed to the organization.

I spent the next few days wallowing in self pity, telling myself that it isn’t fair and that I did not deserve it. But it’s tiresome to be surrounded by so much negativity. It takes a toll on you.

The thing is, I have always wanted to leave. It’s time now. It was getting pretty suffocating anyway.

I have a huge mole on the underside of my right foot. People old old say that when you have a mole the size of Mauritius, you will travel far and wide.

I’m eyeing one of the Director’s seat in the United Nations. Not so soon. I’d better learn me a thing a two. I’d give it another 5-6 years perhaps. The Universe must have been collaborating with me as well. An opening at the UNHCR Malaysia. Let me start there. Resume was sent. It was also sent to a few other places as well. But I’ve got my heart set with the United Nations. It would go well with what I’ve been doing with the AYC.

And, I was headhunted. A request for my resume to be sent to the Securities Commission to be a part of their PR team. I am thrilled and flabbergasted. The Securities Commission. But that’s not my calling. Even in the midst of all the uncertainties in life, on thing that I do know for sure is that I am not cut out for the corporate world. It’s not me.

I’m terrified actually. Moving on to something new. So..dalam bulan Ramadhan yang penuh barakah ini, don’t forget to include me in your prayers.

The best is yet to come…

8 comments:

Dottie with Dots said...

Sometimes 'hijrah' is good for us.

Follow what your heart says. The heart sees what is invisible to the eyes.

The Tea Drinker said...

it's a good time to ask for guidance from Up There.

Hazira said...

you shud start doing ur anjakan paradigma.....

suhaila said...

we always advise others to "go for it"...or to "do whatever your heart says"...but how far can we go? sorry for being so negative...but its not fair for me to tell u to live your dream, but i'm here...stuck with my own stupidity...or should i say, fear... hehehe...no offence ye?
just saying whats on my serabut mind lately...
btw..what's your opinion on "provocation"?

Cinta said...

Dottie,
I like that. The word Hijrah.

Tea Drinker,
I have...and will always

Hazira,
define ur anjakan paradigma babe, from which perspective are we looking it at now? Happy 30th birthday.

Suhaila,
how far can we go? As far as we want to go. As for being stuck there, maybe u want to be stuck there? If you dont, then come join me in this wind of change :)

Provocation?
Depends on the situation. what are we provoking?

pakmat said...

..salam..Dottie got it spot on, Cinta..for, indeed, it is a hijrah..a move from the present to a better future..what God has in store, we can only hazard..but in Him we put our trust..and we do not mourn the past..and, yes, this Ramadhan, you'll be in my prayers..

Cinta said...

Pakmat,
thank you..for the thought and prayers

FH in space said...

I am sure you will eventually land a job worthy of ur creds. Happy hunting.