Soon Coming

This is my New Year Countdown.

Can’t actually believe there’s only three days left of 2009. New Year has always been a big deal to me. Some say that it’s just another day, another tomorrow. What’s with the big celebration? You live like you have today and get through another 365 days.But that's just it, on a personal level, it denotes a milestone of life. Another year. Yesterdays to learn from and tomorrows to look forward to.

I may not celebrate it on a grand scale, no fireworks, no parties, no jumping around screaming Happy New Year but I do try to welcome a new year on a more subtle gesture. Dinner with closest friends, road trips with my sisters and sometimes just a round of teh tarik at the nearest mamak.

New Years are always a big deal to me, it’s a reflection of what I have achieved, of what there is still to achieve, of what I have gained and of what I have lost.

This year, I’m counting down the New Year with a twist. Some sort of a compilation perhaps. If not for anything else, it is for me at least to remember and reflect of where I had been this 2009. You have to know where you’ve been, to know where you’re going.

A little reminder for me, of the naked truth, the good and promises of The Future.

Now, let’s just hope that I can actually stick to the promised three day writing.

Be Still

I didn’t mean to feel this way for you and I don’t quite understand why I’m feeling it and you have to trust me, I don’t want to feel this way, particularly for someone like you, who I know I can’t have. Definitely can’t have.

But the heart just won’t listen. Do you know that I catch my breath at the very sight of you? Even now, when I am at home, the thought of you makes my heart beat a little faster and I tend to forget to breathe, for a moment or two.

My friends say that this too shall pass, that what I feel for you would slowly diminish, and be forgotten and perhaps I would laugh myself silly, one day in the future, remembering how I felt for you. I’m slowly counting the days, when my heart someday, might stop trying to jump out of my chest whenever I see you.

I’m hoping that the moment will come soon not because I don’t like you, but because I like you too much. Too much that it hurts..

Would it be too much if I say that I want you. Yes, I want you.

And do you know what else, I realize that..and I don’t think that..

I can't live in a world where you don’t exist. Yes, as corny as that may sound. -New Moon-

Perhaps

He grasped my hand in a firm welcoming handshake. I stopped breathing. My heart was all over the place.

My days are never quite the same again.

No, I am not going to say that I finally found my purpose in living because I have always known as to why I was breathing.

But…

He will perhaps make my days a little bit interesting.

He will perhaps make my heart go into cardiac arrest at every sight of him.

Whatever the perhaps will be…I look forward to each and every perhaps.

Hello?

A rainy Monday evening after work, over a hot chocolate drink at the Old Town Kopitiam in One Utama with a friend whom I haven't seen in quite a while, debating on why I should join the elite (?) club of Blackberry users when I suddenly realized that he was without a cell phone.  I asked him where his phone was since he had to call me from a public phone, and I haven't had anyone calling me from a public phone since like forever. He said he lost it and made a comment that life is less stressful when it isn't easy to be reached which left me pondering... have we become easily assessable to the point that sometimes, without realizing, it's suffocating and taking a toll on our lives?

I sleep with my cell phone. I believe that most of us do. I don't turn it off unless the battery goes dead in the middle of the night (which is like never) . The first thing I reach for every morning is my cell phone and I check whether there are any text messages or missed calls. I bring it in with me to meetings, the cinema, and sometimes, though I hate to admit this, the bathroom, you know, just in case I wouldn’t miss that important phone call (iyolah tu).  Slowly, without realizing it, I had let the phone take control of me.It had gotten to a point when one day, I felt like life would be so much better if I wasn't so easily accessible.

I have had colleagues calling me on my sick days and while I was on holidays. Wasn't the point of taking an MC and taking leave was so that you can stay home and not be bothered with work?

I screen my calls. Yes, guilty as charged.

A few people has also had the nerve to actually scream down the line demanding to know as to why I wasn't picking up their calls. Funny thing is, the last time I checked, I was the only one paying for my phone bill. You can ask, nicely,  but don’t demand an answer from me because with you screaming your head off is an invitation for me to press the End button while rolling my eyes and vowing and making a mental note never to pick up when your number appears again.

But then again, I feel that life wouldn’t be complete without my cell phone with me at all times. I would feel so lost. Like Mary losing one of her lambs. *sigh*

Call me. On my cell. I’m available. 24/7. Unless I’m screening my calls.