Saturday, June 19, 2010

I cried.

I still remember.

6 years ago, you left a note on the windshield of my car.

“Sometimes, the best things in life cannot be seen or heard but are felt in the heart” 

You signed it with your name, The Syed, and a number for me to call you back. The rest they say is history.

This morning, however, I cried.

I cried.

I cried not because I found your wedding invitation addressed to me in my mailbox the morning after your wedding, and I had no idea that you even had a fiancée, or that you were getting married.

I cried not because when you called to say you were supposedly touring Europe, you were in fact busy getting married.

I cried not because you are now someone else’s, and you will never be mine. I let go of that dream and hope a very long time ago. During one rainy afternoon when I asked where are we headed and you truthfully said that we are not meant to be. I accepted that. We became friends.

I cried not because during those last movie dates together and I mentioned who would I be watching movies with if you decide to get married in the near future, you didn’t say anything, and I thought I’d still have you for a few more moons.

I cried not because of the countless of weekends spent together, countless late night conversations, countless dinners after work, countless supper and countless journeys together discovering new places to eat, and I wouldn’t be able to do that with you anymore.

I cried not because while you were supposedly touring Europe, I was patiently waiting for you to come back. I was missing you.

I cried.

I cried because when I texted a congratulatory message to you, and my hands were shaking and the tears threatened to fall,   you said we can still go out for movies together. That’s not me. I wouldn’t do that.

I cried because though you had a moment to spare to come over to my house to drop the card in my mailbox, you couldn’t spare a moment to call or see me and tell me that you are getting married.

I cried because after 6 years of friendship, I was still not a friend to you. A friend would know when a friend is getting married.

But  mostly,

I cried because you didn’t give me a chance to say goodbye to you. To us. To our twisted friendship together. I cried because I just lost my best friend.

Only to realize that I wasn’t yours.

I’d better be getting home now. I’ve been here all day. Thinking, then crying. 

The barista here in Coffee Bean Mont Kiara is going to  start thinking that I’m homeless.  The shredded wedding card is still on the table.


miss cloudy said...

be strong girl.. i know how it felt..

Cinta said...

Ms Cloudy,
Thanx...right now I just want to kick him

Aisyah Sinclair said...

Ahh... so this is it. The reasons why you cried at CB Mont Kiara. I'm so sorry to hear about this, C. :(

Cinta said...

Miss Sinclair,

Don't be sorry, cest'ta la vie ;)

zara said...

It hurts, right. Someone so dear to you is actually a stranger. I do not know if we can call them friend. As you said, a friend will know if a friend is getting married. That make us realize of our place in their hearts. Toxic friend, perhaps.

But..surprisingly, at the moment I am experiencing the same modus operandi with a guy friend though. Movies, lunches, dinners, shopping. I think he has the tendency of not telling me should he get married in the future, so that he will have the company whenever he like & want to. Urgh!!

Be strong, C.

Ri... said...

Ouchhh... After all the cry, then come anger, and you'll cry more, and angry more..

This reminds me of the movie "My Best Friend's Wedding", during the scene when Julia Roberts sat in the hallways of her hotel room, trying to lit her ciggies, broken-hearted...

The bell-boy came, helped her to lit that ciggy, and said, "My grandmom used to say, This Too Shall Past..."


Cinta said...

Enjoy the time spent but guard your heart. :)

If it doesnt break you it will only make you stronger :)

FairyGodmother said...

Owh babe,

i know it hurts.

i'm sorry.

love you.

Dottie with Dots said...

I read and read and keep on reading this post of yours.

I wanted to say something but words are really unkind to me.

Cinta said...

Thanks babe.

as long as u are kind to me then life is well :)