Sunday, August 29, 2010

You Complete Me?

Intermittent pauses between completing PowerPoint slides for a work presentation, writing articles which were long overdue, sipping on really strong coffee and a large sugarless ice tea, there we were, 2 girls, sitting in a crowded coffee place, complaining about the heat, checking out cute boys and back to complaining about the heat.

After a few exchanges of commentaries and analyzing why the heat was so in palpable, the conversation took on a different turn.  From weather commentaries to commentaries on boys to figuring out one of many life’s mysteries - a sense of belonging. And it suddenly poured outside, from where we were seated, we could see the drops of rain. No wonder it was so hot.

My coffee partner, who shall be known as BlackCoffee henceforth, because she likes her coffee bitter and black, is living a life that is still, as she described it, pending. I can’t really describe things in detail as its her story, and writing about it would be like violating copyright protection rules. Her life story is copyright protected.
Ok, now I’m beginning to wonder how I am supposed to continue with the story.

Contemplating divorce, the question that arose was, “am I doing right thing?”. I was taken aback, kind of heavy stuff for a rainy Sunday evening. I looked at her, honestly not knowing what to say. No, that’s not exactly the truth, I knew exactly what I wanted to say, with complimentary  facial expressions thrown in, considering my strong aversion to the husband for the things that he did to BlackCoffee and the kids.  But who am I to judge? I can only say what I think is right, but push comes to shove, it is her life, her marriage, her call.

What lingered on my mind was what she said later as she looked hard at me and expressed what she felt inside “I like the feeling of being complete. That my life is whole. The husband, wife and the kids.”

I get what she was saying. I think I do.

But I can’t help but wonder, does that make me incomplete? Single and all. Is that how many married couples out there sees a single girl out and about, as an incomplete entity in society?

I remember reading a comment on Facebook. A friend congratulated a newly married friend-congratulations! Welcome to the real world. Err, I seriously thought that I am living in the real world as it is. 

Maybe it is one of those cases of  " I know you think you understand what you thought I said but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant" I perhaps may have interpreted it the way it was not supposed to be understood. Maybe, perhaps.

But it does hurt sometimes, to have people say that life is not complete without a husband and kids, that I have not been living in the real world, that my life is much simpler being single, that my problems, my issues are meaningless and insignificant. It hurts to hear comments from married friends when they un-tactfully say " oh I don't know what I have been doing all this while, running around town, pretending that all is fabulous, being single when in actual fact life was so meaningless. You should get married already". If it was that simple, I would have. Trust me.

That is just not fair. But then again, sometimes they say that life is not fair. Maybe I’m on the wrong side of the balancing scale. Maybe I have to hop on to that ‘In a relationship’ bandwagon stat if I want to know what real life is.

Now, what is that dating site I once wrote about? I better hurry and register myself. ;)

Romantic fool that I am, I don't  support the notion that 'you-complete me'. I'm much more inclined to believe that ‘I-complete-me’ while ‘you’ complements the perfection.

p/s: Cinta at the moment this entry is written is ok with being single. Marriage is an ever-after affair, a lot of thought should be put into it. Singles have the right to be choosy. We learn from the mistakes of our married friends who are living in the real world.


Sir Pök Déng said...

At the moment, this post speaks for me. I take a close-up at the footnote, that made me thinking, 'does Cinta know me personally?'

I don't know about the future. As a man, I need a wife. :P

zara said...

We are on the same boat. Uwaa...

hehe..that questions were constantly being asked by my clients (and others too) who at the same time telling me that how nice it is to be single without no strings attached to husband/wife. Some say that I am not qualified to talk and advise about marriage especially when their marriage can be viewed as between life-and-death.

But sometime, my answer to their absurd Q is that : my status has nothing to do with your marriage and the fact that I am single does not mean that I cannot advise you on marriage issues. If that is how you view others that one cannot speak for others if he/she does not experience it, then please do not vote politician or please do not complaint on anything just because you are not one yet. LOL.

Well, you are right. Probably they believe that they live in the real world. Us, virtually.

I am single and loving it. ;-)

Cinta said...

Sir Pok Deng,

And as a woman I need a husband.

It's kind of tough being single at 31,I just don't need people saying that I havent been living in the real world. My world, our world, is as real as it gets, only are issues are not the same.

FH in space said...

Only one in a thousand (?) maybe can relate to the caption, you complete me. I agree wholeheartedly to all you wrote, and even-though being a Mrs. may sound good, I am terrified seeing all the bad examples laid before me.